Post by rorschalk on Jul 25, 2024 15:11:31 GMT
Dear Mr. VC,
I'm afraid EVOLUTION has gone extinct. Please see Rockefeller's dissertation below for details of its demise.
ROCKEFELLER SEZ: Our restaurant got burgled, along with every other business here in the mall, early last Thursday morning. Smashed a bunch of windows. Stole our cash registers and liquor. Surveillance vids picked up 5 young immigrant-looking perps. Sadly, such events leak into my editorial endeavors. And I apologize in advance.
Anyone attempting to do creative writing in a second language deserves respect, but Mohammed's Evolution cap is so riddled with errors as to be more in need of translation than editing. Almost any sentence pulled at random is a head-scratcher that impedes reading.
E.g.: While Lucy could not hear they felt uncomfortable to say any word at her presence.
A comma after "hear" would help a lot. Then change "to say any word at" to "speaking in" and you've nearly got English.
E.g.: Building Lucy he felt like he had returned to the Comodor 64 era but he had only one vote in the board of directors.
Here I have no clue what's being said. Seems non sequitur, and not the good kind. But, and particularly irksome to me having cut my teeth on this amazing machine, you spell Commodore-64 wrong every time it's used.
E.g.:Lucy chest beat for some time which made her excited then pressed her hands against the ground and lifted her hairy body up.
And so on and so on...
So, sorry brother, but most of this I didn't even skim. Life's too short. Sorry for the shit review and critique too, but that's gigo for you. Afraid this leaky boat sails off into the void beyond the Porthole. FYI: Just pasting your works-in-progress into gmail would flag (red or blue underline) a lot of your mistakes and offer possible corrections for your edification and consideration. Afraid this is about as helpful as I can be here.
I'm afraid EVOLUTION has gone extinct. Please see Rockefeller's dissertation below for details of its demise.
ROCKEFELLER SEZ: Our restaurant got burgled, along with every other business here in the mall, early last Thursday morning. Smashed a bunch of windows. Stole our cash registers and liquor. Surveillance vids picked up 5 young immigrant-looking perps. Sadly, such events leak into my editorial endeavors. And I apologize in advance.
Anyone attempting to do creative writing in a second language deserves respect, but Mohammed's Evolution cap is so riddled with errors as to be more in need of translation than editing. Almost any sentence pulled at random is a head-scratcher that impedes reading.
E.g.: While Lucy could not hear they felt uncomfortable to say any word at her presence.
A comma after "hear" would help a lot. Then change "to say any word at" to "speaking in" and you've nearly got English.
E.g.: Building Lucy he felt like he had returned to the Comodor 64 era but he had only one vote in the board of directors.
Here I have no clue what's being said. Seems non sequitur, and not the good kind. But, and particularly irksome to me having cut my teeth on this amazing machine, you spell Commodore-64 wrong every time it's used.
E.g.:Lucy chest beat for some time which made her excited then pressed her hands against the ground and lifted her hairy body up.
And so on and so on...
So, sorry brother, but most of this I didn't even skim. Life's too short. Sorry for the shit review and critique too, but that's gigo for you. Afraid this leaky boat sails off into the void beyond the Porthole. FYI: Just pasting your works-in-progress into gmail would flag (red or blue underline) a lot of your mistakes and offer possible corrections for your edification and consideration. Afraid this is about as helpful as I can be here.
