Post by rorschalk on Jun 22, 2024 20:31:02 GMT
Dear Mr. VC,
You have tapped into one of the main zeitgeists of our time: economies of grift. Technically, Elias's grift is not illegal but as one of the previous vetters of this cap observed, it's somewhat scummy and underhanded...not quite above board. Another said it smacks of Carver, and I agree. It moves along at a fair clip with simple language and no wasted verbiage whatsoever. Clean as a whistle. The description of his fall from the roof is exquisite and the parallel with it being a mouse (or perhaps a rat!) that caused his fall fits into the overall scheme of things, a piece of irony that fits right in to the puzzle posed by this venture.
In other words, I would be honored to publish this ... with one stipulation. I agree with Otto, the end piece with the hooker/therapist seems to have been rushed. Would you be willing to rewrite it with a few notes from me in mind that I think would only elevate the total quality of THPOE?
1. Give the hooker more personality in regards to her speech pattern or manner of speech. She can say the same thing but with more style or less technicality can't she?
2. His erection might, as Otto commented, be more of an imposition to Maria than a sight for sore eyes. What about her glancing up at Elias and saying something to him along the lines of "Oh that's wonderful...but if you don't mind, I'm going to have to charge you a little extra." Before she proceeds to give her client that much coveted "happy ending."
3. I'm still a bit fuzzy on the Web site. Instead of saying it's along the lines of what Oliviero did for Maria and her fellow hookers could you maybe paint a more specific picture of the homepage?
Addressing these 3 knits will, I am certain, be more than enough to elevate this venture to the exalted heights of Capital Gain.
I eagerly await your reply.
TQR
You have tapped into one of the main zeitgeists of our time: economies of grift. Technically, Elias's grift is not illegal but as one of the previous vetters of this cap observed, it's somewhat scummy and underhanded...not quite above board. Another said it smacks of Carver, and I agree. It moves along at a fair clip with simple language and no wasted verbiage whatsoever. Clean as a whistle. The description of his fall from the roof is exquisite and the parallel with it being a mouse (or perhaps a rat!) that caused his fall fits into the overall scheme of things, a piece of irony that fits right in to the puzzle posed by this venture.
In other words, I would be honored to publish this ... with one stipulation. I agree with Otto, the end piece with the hooker/therapist seems to have been rushed. Would you be willing to rewrite it with a few notes from me in mind that I think would only elevate the total quality of THPOE?
1. Give the hooker more personality in regards to her speech pattern or manner of speech. She can say the same thing but with more style or less technicality can't she?
2. His erection might, as Otto commented, be more of an imposition to Maria than a sight for sore eyes. What about her glancing up at Elias and saying something to him along the lines of "Oh that's wonderful...but if you don't mind, I'm going to have to charge you a little extra." Before she proceeds to give her client that much coveted "happy ending."
3. I'm still a bit fuzzy on the Web site. Instead of saying it's along the lines of what Oliviero did for Maria and her fellow hookers could you maybe paint a more specific picture of the homepage?
Addressing these 3 knits will, I am certain, be more than enough to elevate this venture to the exalted heights of Capital Gain.
I eagerly await your reply.
TQR
