Post by rorschalk on Jan 20, 2024 22:18:39 GMT
Dear Ms. VC,
I hope you will take some consolation from this "close but no cigar" capital discussion. Please take it with the knowledge that we only wish the best for the venture capitalists that submit their work to our unique blend of critique and disquisition. We look forward to doing business with you in the future. Many good lucks!
***
ROCKEFELLER': Interesting, this Kumari cap: about 98.6 percent character study, with the other 1.4 percent plot, or story, or stuff that happens; the melody that makes you want to hum along. So it was the quality of prose alone that kept me from skimming until maybe the 12th or so page.
The POV's a little confusing. Mostly it seems to be either tight limited 3rd, deep in MC's head, or even omniscient since the narrator seems to know more, be more detached and objective than simple 3rd person would support. But then there's a paragraph or two on page 4, set in a bar, where a 1st person (I) observer presents. Weird bit of head hopping, but again, all but forgiven by the confidence of the prose.
Thing is, it's neither really rich nor metaphorical enough to qualify as poetry, and so wants for some order of interesting events. A little painting, a shower and possibly a sex scene (wasn't sure) just weren't enough to engage me, to bring me to care how her journey for self discovery does (or didn't?) pan out. She needs to be challenged by something more than her internal questions and conflicts. This might be the first time I've ever reread a VC's bio and, in this case, story synopsis to see where the author was coming from and what she (no need to share preferred pronouns here) thought the piece was about. So it is with a heavy heart and considerable conflict that I'm delegating this clear labor of love and intelligence to the Deluge beyond the Porthole. Please, if you ever resubmit here, and I hope you will, remember, deep down, we are children.
I hope you will take some consolation from this "close but no cigar" capital discussion. Please take it with the knowledge that we only wish the best for the venture capitalists that submit their work to our unique blend of critique and disquisition. We look forward to doing business with you in the future. Many good lucks!
***
ROCKEFELLER': Interesting, this Kumari cap: about 98.6 percent character study, with the other 1.4 percent plot, or story, or stuff that happens; the melody that makes you want to hum along. So it was the quality of prose alone that kept me from skimming until maybe the 12th or so page.
The POV's a little confusing. Mostly it seems to be either tight limited 3rd, deep in MC's head, or even omniscient since the narrator seems to know more, be more detached and objective than simple 3rd person would support. But then there's a paragraph or two on page 4, set in a bar, where a 1st person (I) observer presents. Weird bit of head hopping, but again, all but forgiven by the confidence of the prose.
Thing is, it's neither really rich nor metaphorical enough to qualify as poetry, and so wants for some order of interesting events. A little painting, a shower and possibly a sex scene (wasn't sure) just weren't enough to engage me, to bring me to care how her journey for self discovery does (or didn't?) pan out. She needs to be challenged by something more than her internal questions and conflicts. This might be the first time I've ever reread a VC's bio and, in this case, story synopsis to see where the author was coming from and what she (no need to share preferred pronouns here) thought the piece was about. So it is with a heavy heart and considerable conflict that I'm delegating this clear labor of love and intelligence to the Deluge beyond the Porthole. Please, if you ever resubmit here, and I hope you will, remember, deep down, we are children.