Post by rorschalk on Oct 9, 2023 17:01:27 GMT
Dear Ms. VC
It seems the ending just didn't do it for old Rockefeller. The whys and wherefores of that conclusion are here.
2 hours ago Post by rockefeller on 2 hours ago
My son and his wife are raising quail. Was out to the "farm" yesterday, and wondered why some of them had bald patches on the backs of their heads. But before I could even get the question out, a couple demonstrated. It's where the male gets a grip. Apparently those are the skanks, the tramps, the desirable ones. Sex needn't be always complicated.
In Friel's "The Package" we have a middle aged woman lamenting the loss of the passion she and her husband once enjoyed. She knows she's not the hottie she was in her 20's, frumpier now, has stretch marks, blubber, cellulite, all the good stuff that comes with age and mommyhood. She tries to remember the last time they had sex, and thinks it might've been two, or even three (three!) weeks ago. What she doesn't seem to understand is that it's not about fat and wrinkles and general bodily decline. During what I like to refer to as my post divorce "pathetic singles dance" phase (okay, decade) back in the 80's, I saw a lot of walruses find "love." We're not particularly discriminating when it comes to strange, at least in my experience. The problem the MC is wrestling with in this fairly authentic seeming yarn is familiarity. Familiarity. Derived from, family. It's why incest is not just taboo, but generally undesirable. And why once your spanky new squeeze becomes family... well... her less attractive friend or sister starts to... well... you get the drift.
I kind of liked this story. The voice is good, sounds real. Technically I didn't trip over much. Really just a couple nits:
"reminding me of how we aged,"
we'd
(As written, it suggests philosophical musing on the aging process.)
"With no medical training, I could tell it was most certainly broken.
Even with...
(See, without the "Even" qualifier it reads like it's because she has no medical training that she can make the diagnosis.)
But the ending kind of ruined it for me. Her epiphany that "her man" loves her just as she is, that there never was any problem after all, that their whole waning heat and not having bumped uglies for three whole weeks were just big nothing burgers, didn't fly. Maybe get back to me in another ten or twenty sweetheart. It was close. Nice, but no. If it weren't for its length and mildly erotic leanings, I'd say give Readers Digest (if it's still around) a shot.
It seems the ending just didn't do it for old Rockefeller. The whys and wherefores of that conclusion are here.
2 hours ago Post by rockefeller on 2 hours ago
My son and his wife are raising quail. Was out to the "farm" yesterday, and wondered why some of them had bald patches on the backs of their heads. But before I could even get the question out, a couple demonstrated. It's where the male gets a grip. Apparently those are the skanks, the tramps, the desirable ones. Sex needn't be always complicated.
In Friel's "The Package" we have a middle aged woman lamenting the loss of the passion she and her husband once enjoyed. She knows she's not the hottie she was in her 20's, frumpier now, has stretch marks, blubber, cellulite, all the good stuff that comes with age and mommyhood. She tries to remember the last time they had sex, and thinks it might've been two, or even three (three!) weeks ago. What she doesn't seem to understand is that it's not about fat and wrinkles and general bodily decline. During what I like to refer to as my post divorce "pathetic singles dance" phase (okay, decade) back in the 80's, I saw a lot of walruses find "love." We're not particularly discriminating when it comes to strange, at least in my experience. The problem the MC is wrestling with in this fairly authentic seeming yarn is familiarity. Familiarity. Derived from, family. It's why incest is not just taboo, but generally undesirable. And why once your spanky new squeeze becomes family... well... her less attractive friend or sister starts to... well... you get the drift.
I kind of liked this story. The voice is good, sounds real. Technically I didn't trip over much. Really just a couple nits:
"reminding me of how we aged,"
we'd
(As written, it suggests philosophical musing on the aging process.)
"With no medical training, I could tell it was most certainly broken.
Even with...
(See, without the "Even" qualifier it reads like it's because she has no medical training that she can make the diagnosis.)
But the ending kind of ruined it for me. Her epiphany that "her man" loves her just as she is, that there never was any problem after all, that their whole waning heat and not having bumped uglies for three whole weeks were just big nothing burgers, didn't fly. Maybe get back to me in another ten or twenty sweetheart. It was close. Nice, but no. If it weren't for its length and mildly erotic leanings, I'd say give Readers Digest (if it's still around) a shot.