|
|
Post by rorschalk on Sept 11, 2023 19:25:09 GMT
Dear Ms. VC,
Could you go nuts and let loose on the ending better?
|
|
|
|
Post by janeVC on Sept 12, 2023 17:50:37 GMT
Hi!
No problem, I can totally do that. I can think of various ways to interpret “let loose” — do you mean expand on it so it’s not so rushed? Is there anything in particular you recommend I ponder as I edit?
I’m away from my computer until 9/18, but I’ll gladly jump on edits stat, as soon as I’m home.
Thank you!
Cheers,
janeVC
|
|
|
|
Post by rorschalk on Sept 12, 2023 17:53:17 GMT
Yes. I actually liked the over the top inference made as to how the mob may have torn him limb from limb or something to that effect. What I didn't like was the last few sentences that summed up "and he lived happily ever after". Might be that those could be changed or simply deleted. I laughed out loud many times throughout the course of the piece. I think it's your ironic humor that comes through best for me. The subtlety of language and easily confused definitions of words ie Satan, Satin. The naivite (pardon my spelling error) of your protag is very charming and funny in that particular scene. You've got to keep it up all the way through though and I'm pretty sure you can, judging from the total quality of everything leading up to the ending, which admittedly by all who have read it so far is somewhat "pat" too on the nose as they say, and rushed. I hope that helps crystalize my feelings toward this cap as it stands now. Please le me know if I can be of any more specific assistance. Viddy well.
TEN MINUTES LATAH
Maybe even a shock ending where the evil art dealer dude succumbs to a mob that tears him apart as if they were George Romero zombies thrusting their hands into his chest and pulling out his heart and eating it in front of him while he's still screaming in his last throes of brutalized agony? A metaphor of some kind perhaps. . Something, in the Monty Python way, "totally different" that leaves the investors gasping. Yeah? My thought here is that the basis of the conceit, art dealer holds naive and easily taken advantage of young artists for his own profit is not a new idea by any means, and there are several logical problems that pop up as the capital pages turn as to how this enterprise could continue to be so successful without some outside intervention from the victims family and friends which I think could be totally alleviated by some kind of absurdist/surrealist type climax that takes it into the realm of fabulist allegorical type work that culminates with a metaphorical exclamation mark perhaps. Have you ever read Barthelme's short venture The School? Give it a gander and then go from there, maybe could you. You've got a lot of pressure built up here in this piece and the ending could simply just set it off like a super volcano. I want this sucker to pop!
|
|
|
|
Post by janeVC on Sept 13, 2023 16:26:50 GMT
Okay awesome, this is super helpful. I’ll see if I can find “The School” for reference!
Thanks!
jane
|
|
