Post by rorschalk on Aug 6, 2023 22:08:29 GMT
Dear Ms. VC,
You tickled Rox' funny bone and then some (see trailing). VR is up to the Terminal to see what those two capital managers of some repute have to say 'boudit. Best of luck.
From rockefeller:
Post my heavy 15-year-long weed habit and subsequent divorce from Ms Rocks #1 way back in the early 80's, I went through what I like to call my pathetic singles dance phase. Because I knew I had an addictive personality (as in it's prone to addictions, not addictive to others to say the least) I thought I might've even become a sex/love addict, and called some help line I found in the local paper beside the companion ads (this was before the internet). According to the bi gentleman screening applicants, I didn't masturbate nearly enough to qualify, and my confessed revulsion at guy-on-guy sex, despite his promotional pitch on prostate palpitation, kiboshed both our interests in my joining his group. Though relationships have remained interesting to me even into my waning sexuality. (I thought I'd miss sex a lot more than I do, and am guessing it'll be the same with life after death). Like it has been my observation that, sex-wise, women in their 40's tend to go through what men do in their teens. Some painful shit. Anyway, all this just to say I could really relate to Wilcox's "Vipassana Romance" cap.
Initially and most strikingly, the grammar doesn't get in the way of the story. So much of what I read here, especially openings, tries too hard with the vocab, the adjectives and adverbs, sundry literary devices, leaning if not falling into purple turgidity. Forcing me to think, and thereby distracting from the narrative. Whereas here, I know immediately who's telling the story and what's going on. It carries me. No heavy lifting required. I found the idea of a divorced woman at a (hotbed of a) Buddhist meditation retreat intended to help attendees understand and curb desire ("the source of all suffering") spending all her time obsessing on and pathetically trying to hook up with another hot, young, male attendee hilarious. Though simpler and subtler, it reminded me a little of George Saunders' ironies and humor. Some apt and concise character sketching. Had the sort of hyperbolized autobiographical underpinnings I often employ in my own fiction. I even liked the surprise (for me anyway) ending, maybe because I identified more with the inept klutz than the hunk.
So I'm sending it up without reservation. That said, even if it tickles the bass and bull, and scales the Terminal wall, it probably won't be action packed enough for the platyrrhine, who needs lots to happen. I say this not to predispose or second-guess my higher-ups, whose remarks I'm eager to read, but just as a cautionary heads-up to the VC. In any case, it'll certainly fly somewhere, and so I noted a few nits along the way:
I need to peak at him,
peek
If Marie was here,
were (conditional tense)
Actually though, might work best as is, more in voice
thinking “eating disorder”.
thinking, "eating disorder. "
Doesn't punctuation always go inside the closing quote, even if only thunk?
something—useful—for the first time I days.
in days
You tickled Rox' funny bone and then some (see trailing). VR is up to the Terminal to see what those two capital managers of some repute have to say 'boudit. Best of luck.
From rockefeller:
Post my heavy 15-year-long weed habit and subsequent divorce from Ms Rocks #1 way back in the early 80's, I went through what I like to call my pathetic singles dance phase. Because I knew I had an addictive personality (as in it's prone to addictions, not addictive to others to say the least) I thought I might've even become a sex/love addict, and called some help line I found in the local paper beside the companion ads (this was before the internet). According to the bi gentleman screening applicants, I didn't masturbate nearly enough to qualify, and my confessed revulsion at guy-on-guy sex, despite his promotional pitch on prostate palpitation, kiboshed both our interests in my joining his group. Though relationships have remained interesting to me even into my waning sexuality. (I thought I'd miss sex a lot more than I do, and am guessing it'll be the same with life after death). Like it has been my observation that, sex-wise, women in their 40's tend to go through what men do in their teens. Some painful shit. Anyway, all this just to say I could really relate to Wilcox's "Vipassana Romance" cap.
Initially and most strikingly, the grammar doesn't get in the way of the story. So much of what I read here, especially openings, tries too hard with the vocab, the adjectives and adverbs, sundry literary devices, leaning if not falling into purple turgidity. Forcing me to think, and thereby distracting from the narrative. Whereas here, I know immediately who's telling the story and what's going on. It carries me. No heavy lifting required. I found the idea of a divorced woman at a (hotbed of a) Buddhist meditation retreat intended to help attendees understand and curb desire ("the source of all suffering") spending all her time obsessing on and pathetically trying to hook up with another hot, young, male attendee hilarious. Though simpler and subtler, it reminded me a little of George Saunders' ironies and humor. Some apt and concise character sketching. Had the sort of hyperbolized autobiographical underpinnings I often employ in my own fiction. I even liked the surprise (for me anyway) ending, maybe because I identified more with the inept klutz than the hunk.
So I'm sending it up without reservation. That said, even if it tickles the bass and bull, and scales the Terminal wall, it probably won't be action packed enough for the platyrrhine, who needs lots to happen. I say this not to predispose or second-guess my higher-ups, whose remarks I'm eager to read, but just as a cautionary heads-up to the VC. In any case, it'll certainly fly somewhere, and so I noted a few nits along the way:
I need to peak at him,
peek
If Marie was here,
were (conditional tense)
Actually though, might work best as is, more in voice
thinking “eating disorder”.
thinking, "eating disorder. "
Doesn't punctuation always go inside the closing quote, even if only thunk?
something—useful—for the first time I days.
in days