Post by rorschalk on Jan 17, 2023 19:25:29 GMT
Dear VC,
The fried rice got thrown out with the bong water. In other words, it didn't make it off the floor. Rockefeller did, however, in my opinion, give you some pretty good advice going forward to try out next time around (see below). Thank you for your submission, and I look forward to doing business with you in the future.
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Posts: 211
4 hours ago QuoteEdit Post by rockefeller on 4 hours ago
There's an authenticity to Things are Different, but that its second language problems and voice do not surmount. I got about 3 pages in and, unable to pick up any thread of conflict or plot, bailed. The MC's a writer, married, under some publishing agreement. But he is not, to say the least, Dostoevsky.
Here's a random paragraph from around where I threw in the towel:
"Yes, since Tingting got a boyfriend, I have never seen she order food deliverytake out. Her boyfriend will prepares dishes in advance, it was the amount of three meals in breakfast, lunch and dinner. Once we coerced her into giving us a bite. And it was combined with Chinese and Western dishes, those were gorgeous dishes! I definitely believe my fried rice was no longer delicious than her lunchbox." another female doctor also envies Tingting.
See? Not only riddled with punctuation and grammatical problems, but, worse, kind of boring. Calls to mind Vonnegut's "Don't waste your readers' time." Also, though through no fault of the writing, It had me humming rude personal variations of Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-Ling for about an hour afterwards.
Hey VC? You still with me? I know from considerable personal experience that having your work shitcanned here in TQR's sometimes insensitive way, especially when you're just starting out and your skin is very thin and you believe you're great, can be a real piss-off. (I've never admitted this to anyone before, but one of the reasons I signed on as a cartoon character here was to exact a vague kind of revenge on the art of writing for the rough handling of some of my early subs.) Let me mollify you with some free, and I believe okay, advice. Try writing in the 1st person, and let your narrator admit to working in a 2nd language. I'm impressed with your authenticity and English, but, for now, embrace rather than try to hide the 2nd language handicap. I believe that maybe you're using creative writing to exercise your English, which is no doubt a great exercise, but seems to result in a lot of superfluous (boring, needless, irrelevant) telling. E.g., I didn't read the whole thing, so can't say for sure, but I doubt the quality of Tingling's fried rice is important to the story. The hardest part of writing in any language is finding interesting, inspirational, enlightening, evocative, or just funny, stuff to say. Focus on that.
The fried rice got thrown out with the bong water. In other words, it didn't make it off the floor. Rockefeller did, however, in my opinion, give you some pretty good advice going forward to try out next time around (see below). Thank you for your submission, and I look forward to doing business with you in the future.
Post to everything
Posts: 211
4 hours ago QuoteEdit Post by rockefeller on 4 hours ago
There's an authenticity to Things are Different, but that its second language problems and voice do not surmount. I got about 3 pages in and, unable to pick up any thread of conflict or plot, bailed. The MC's a writer, married, under some publishing agreement. But he is not, to say the least, Dostoevsky.
Here's a random paragraph from around where I threw in the towel:
"Yes, since Tingting got a boyfriend, I have never seen she order food deliverytake out. Her boyfriend will prepares dishes in advance, it was the amount of three meals in breakfast, lunch and dinner. Once we coerced her into giving us a bite. And it was combined with Chinese and Western dishes, those were gorgeous dishes! I definitely believe my fried rice was no longer delicious than her lunchbox." another female doctor also envies Tingting.
See? Not only riddled with punctuation and grammatical problems, but, worse, kind of boring. Calls to mind Vonnegut's "Don't waste your readers' time." Also, though through no fault of the writing, It had me humming rude personal variations of Chuck Berry's My Ding-a-Ling for about an hour afterwards.
Hey VC? You still with me? I know from considerable personal experience that having your work shitcanned here in TQR's sometimes insensitive way, especially when you're just starting out and your skin is very thin and you believe you're great, can be a real piss-off. (I've never admitted this to anyone before, but one of the reasons I signed on as a cartoon character here was to exact a vague kind of revenge on the art of writing for the rough handling of some of my early subs.) Let me mollify you with some free, and I believe okay, advice. Try writing in the 1st person, and let your narrator admit to working in a 2nd language. I'm impressed with your authenticity and English, but, for now, embrace rather than try to hide the 2nd language handicap. I believe that maybe you're using creative writing to exercise your English, which is no doubt a great exercise, but seems to result in a lot of superfluous (boring, needless, irrelevant) telling. E.g., I didn't read the whole thing, so can't say for sure, but I doubt the quality of Tingling's fried rice is important to the story. The hardest part of writing in any language is finding interesting, inspirational, enlightening, evocative, or just funny, stuff to say. Focus on that.