Post by rockefeller on Apr 18, 2022 20:44:55 GMT
I read johnVC's After the Wreck about a week ago. I could be, and probably am, wrong, but I think it's about a guy who comes upon the scene of a car crash, feels guilty for not having stopped, can't find mention of it online or through personal investigation, returns to it only to be hassled by some cop, goes about his mundane life never knowing what happened.
I definitely remember thinking that it was actually his own accident, that he was revisiting his own demise, which was why it was so important to him, and so hard to learn anything about. In my own personal million or two miles of driving I've come across my share of accidents. I remember once seeing an old VW Beetle on the 401 flattened by a crossover head-on. Nothing left but the rear engine compartment. Or passing through Virginia once on our way to Myrtle Beach. It'd snowed a little, nothing like in Ontario, barely enough to cover the center line on whatever interstate we were on. But probably because many drivers hadn't seen the white stuff before, a lot of cars were off in the ditch or spun out on the shoulder. One dumbass had crashed into a billboard standing so far out in a field, I doubt I could've driven to it if I'd tried. And I've never had any inclination to stop, or wondered as to the backstory, which is why I was pretty sure the POV character in this cap was a ghost. But then wasn't. The mystery, such as it was, was never resolved. Not for me anyway. The hook, such as it was, stayed set.
Technically, the prose is competent. I did make a few notes. Like there are a few "he thought" tags I found superfluous. Since it's written in the tight limited 3rd, the reader can assume all thoughts are this character's. But the (other) biggest problem, and the reason I'm going to crumple these 7,271 words into tight little balls and fire them, a thousand or so at a time, out the Porthole, is that there's far too much meandering from point A to point B. Here's the one example I noted:
He brought the bag of food and his drink back into the room, took a seat at the small utility table by the window, laid out his meal, and began to eat.
Thanks for wasting 2.69 seconds of my life.
PS Dear VC, I appreciate your being a sport and inviting us to "mock" your submission on the "Big Board" (Floor, actually), though it pains me a little to think of these thoughtful (and time consuming) reviews as mocking. Like Siri once said to me after I told it to "Fuck off!"
I was just trying to help.
I definitely remember thinking that it was actually his own accident, that he was revisiting his own demise, which was why it was so important to him, and so hard to learn anything about. In my own personal million or two miles of driving I've come across my share of accidents. I remember once seeing an old VW Beetle on the 401 flattened by a crossover head-on. Nothing left but the rear engine compartment. Or passing through Virginia once on our way to Myrtle Beach. It'd snowed a little, nothing like in Ontario, barely enough to cover the center line on whatever interstate we were on. But probably because many drivers hadn't seen the white stuff before, a lot of cars were off in the ditch or spun out on the shoulder. One dumbass had crashed into a billboard standing so far out in a field, I doubt I could've driven to it if I'd tried. And I've never had any inclination to stop, or wondered as to the backstory, which is why I was pretty sure the POV character in this cap was a ghost. But then wasn't. The mystery, such as it was, was never resolved. Not for me anyway. The hook, such as it was, stayed set.
Technically, the prose is competent. I did make a few notes. Like there are a few "he thought" tags I found superfluous. Since it's written in the tight limited 3rd, the reader can assume all thoughts are this character's. But the (other) biggest problem, and the reason I'm going to crumple these 7,271 words into tight little balls and fire them, a thousand or so at a time, out the Porthole, is that there's far too much meandering from point A to point B. Here's the one example I noted:
He brought the bag of food and his drink back into the room, took a seat at the small utility table by the window, laid out his meal, and began to eat.
Thanks for wasting 2.69 seconds of my life.
PS Dear VC, I appreciate your being a sport and inviting us to "mock" your submission on the "Big Board" (Floor, actually), though it pains me a little to think of these thoughtful (and time consuming) reviews as mocking. Like Siri once said to me after I told it to "Fuck off!"
I was just trying to help.