Post by rorschalk on Apr 2, 2022 16:13:07 GMT
Very well written, but it zigs when it should have zagged.
Allow me to explain.
Toward the end there is a line spoken by old Mrs. Carew in response to our protag's question about why couldn't she give her dear departed the hydroflouric acid bath herself?
“Blood cannot claim blood, Mr Reed. Not in our culture. To do so would invite a very different kind of evil into our heritage.”
Ah hah, I thought. Here's the rub, the linch pin. I was intrigued and ready for a climax based upon the ominous consequences thereby alluded to...was it going to be biblical, like Cain and Abel or something else unexpected?
And then this line was forgotten as if it had never been spoken. What it defaulted to was Mrs. Carew answering Mr. Reed's subsequent "Why me?" with a monologue that begins, "Because you feel nothing" and ends with, allow me to paraphrase, "I chose you so you could see what true sorrow is."
The problem with this moralistic "gotchya" moment is it refutes itself. If Mr. Reed is really dead inside as Mrs. Carew implies then her object lesson simply falls flat. Sure it's disturbing as all get out to see what the "chewing dead" ultimately must come to, but, other than that, there are no dire consequences for Mr. Reed. He gets paid and then, a few years later when Mrs. Carew meets the same fate as her brother, he gets paid again. If this is all there is, then I would recommend following Sturgeon's advice and up the gore factor to 11 if you can so that there is some catharsis of total gross out revulsion that may be able to carry the tale into some kind of horror aficionado's wheelhouse and, for that reason, be publishable in that type of horror mag. Lord it's been ages since I perused that market...Fangoria still around?
But as for this venue, I will take a pass on it due to there ultimately being nothing that really affects the protag one way or another, no arc of change or life or death decision that must be made other than getting kitted up to pour out the acid bath and getting paid.
My advice would be go back to the line I thought was going to complicate the remaining pages of the cap and put into action and explore that line's ramifications rather than throwing it out there intriguingly, then letting it whither on the vine.
Allow me to explain.
Toward the end there is a line spoken by old Mrs. Carew in response to our protag's question about why couldn't she give her dear departed the hydroflouric acid bath herself?
“Blood cannot claim blood, Mr Reed. Not in our culture. To do so would invite a very different kind of evil into our heritage.”
Ah hah, I thought. Here's the rub, the linch pin. I was intrigued and ready for a climax based upon the ominous consequences thereby alluded to...was it going to be biblical, like Cain and Abel or something else unexpected?
And then this line was forgotten as if it had never been spoken. What it defaulted to was Mrs. Carew answering Mr. Reed's subsequent "Why me?" with a monologue that begins, "Because you feel nothing" and ends with, allow me to paraphrase, "I chose you so you could see what true sorrow is."
The problem with this moralistic "gotchya" moment is it refutes itself. If Mr. Reed is really dead inside as Mrs. Carew implies then her object lesson simply falls flat. Sure it's disturbing as all get out to see what the "chewing dead" ultimately must come to, but, other than that, there are no dire consequences for Mr. Reed. He gets paid and then, a few years later when Mrs. Carew meets the same fate as her brother, he gets paid again. If this is all there is, then I would recommend following Sturgeon's advice and up the gore factor to 11 if you can so that there is some catharsis of total gross out revulsion that may be able to carry the tale into some kind of horror aficionado's wheelhouse and, for that reason, be publishable in that type of horror mag. Lord it's been ages since I perused that market...Fangoria still around?
But as for this venue, I will take a pass on it due to there ultimately being nothing that really affects the protag one way or another, no arc of change or life or death decision that must be made other than getting kitted up to pour out the acid bath and getting paid.
My advice would be go back to the line I thought was going to complicate the remaining pages of the cap and put into action and explore that line's ramifications rather than throwing it out there intriguingly, then letting it whither on the vine.