Post by rorschalk on Nov 26, 2021 15:03:08 GMT
To begin with a cuckolded husband is not sympathetic. That he's allowed himself to live with a cheating wife for so long is pathetic. His justification for putting up with her since she always used to come back to him so he could have sloppy seconds is not a tenable justification.
Toward the end of the cap the metaphors and symbols pile up so high the plot gets lost somewhere in their midst. You've got Nod Street. There's a baseball game on the radio twixt the Ravens and the Loons. There's a homeless guy who is likened to Moses staring at the burning bush. The car next to our protag is blaring a Christian radio show about a man leaving his wife. There's Adam coming to the plate on the protag's radio and then after Adam you get a hulk like player called Samson...I mean, it's just too much. I don't know what metaphor, reference or symbol to hang onto or if there is any rhyme or reason to them at all because they seem randomly thrown out there to see if they'd somehow stick against the wall. There's got to be some pruning here to find the proper balance between narrative and symbol so that the one doesn't overwhelm the other. I couldn't finish the cap because at the point where all these references, biblical and otherwise, were coming together just became too much to deal with and, like I said, I lost the thread of the plot going forward because it became mired in the mud of this mishmash of metaphor and symbol and entropy took hold bringing the momentum of the narrative to a full stop well before its 5K word count ran out.
In summary, be more selective and let the plot speak for itself.
Toward the end of the cap the metaphors and symbols pile up so high the plot gets lost somewhere in their midst. You've got Nod Street. There's a baseball game on the radio twixt the Ravens and the Loons. There's a homeless guy who is likened to Moses staring at the burning bush. The car next to our protag is blaring a Christian radio show about a man leaving his wife. There's Adam coming to the plate on the protag's radio and then after Adam you get a hulk like player called Samson...I mean, it's just too much. I don't know what metaphor, reference or symbol to hang onto or if there is any rhyme or reason to them at all because they seem randomly thrown out there to see if they'd somehow stick against the wall. There's got to be some pruning here to find the proper balance between narrative and symbol so that the one doesn't overwhelm the other. I couldn't finish the cap because at the point where all these references, biblical and otherwise, were coming together just became too much to deal with and, like I said, I lost the thread of the plot going forward because it became mired in the mud of this mishmash of metaphor and symbol and entropy took hold bringing the momentum of the narrative to a full stop well before its 5K word count ran out.
In summary, be more selective and let the plot speak for itself.