Post by johnVC on Jul 30, 2021 18:40:24 GMT
Mr. Rorschalk,
Thank you for your feedback! This is my first ever submission and I knew the story wasn't publishable, so all I really wanted was honest, constructive feedback. And you (Rockefeller) delivered! Thank you for that! I deliberately made the narrative ambiguous, having read like-minded scifi shorts in the past and thinking publishers preferred this style. Obviously, the plot was too obscure and made out more like a murder mystery where the puzzle pieces had to be sleuthed together. Anyway, Rockefeller asked for a synopsis, so here it is.
The overall gist of FRAGILE MINDS is that the protagonist Oleksiy is in some sort of rehabilitative center, and but the catch is that he really isn't Oleksiy at all. He is actually named Fabian, and has uploaded an "experient" (basically a hacked recording/simulation, in this case, of a portion of Oleksiy's life) onto his neural implant. Fabian is in the facility because of the experient's devastating effect on his psyche. The heavy medication regimen is causing his mind to dissociate further, hence his inability to discern flashback from memory. Oleksiy and Fabian are both Hardwired - meaning they have neural implants that allow them to interface seamlessly with the internet (and to be hacked).
There are three narratives: Fabian's time in the rehabilitative facility (wherein he thinks he is Oleksiy – written in present-tense), his experient-based flashbacks as Oleksiy (past tense), and his memories leading up to taking the laced experient and subsequent mental breakdown (past tense). It is hinted that the experient Fabian takes is cut with something that adversely affects the user. Michio’s (Fabian's girlfriend) mention of the experient possibly being cut with a "forget-me-not" is supposed to imply that the after effects could be long term.
The second narrative rehashes the exploits of Oleksiy, a Ukrainian freedom fighter who has been oppressed by a resurgent Russia (referred to as The Rus). This thread follows Fabian's experient-based flashbacks of Oleksiy's exploits (exploring the theme of freedom fighter vs. terrorist): the bombing of a hyperloop promontory, his meeting with Sergii (the leader of his cell), and his intent to bomb a Russian military encampment. It's also hinted that Oleksiy is still suffering from the loss of his lover - Nadiya.
The third narrative basically recounts Fabian’s experiences as a lowlife drug runner who is tasked with smuggling designer drugs/software from Pom City back to his home turf of Beantown. Fabian is basically a lost soul who regrets many of his life choices. When Fabian lies in bed after his exchange with Persephone, he stumbles upon an amber-encased lotus flower which had been given to him as a gift from his girlfriend, Michio, when they first started dating. After taking the experient we see how Fabian loses his sense of self ("I wake up in a body that isn't mine" is mentioned multiple times throughout), and eventually he wakes up one day, and has completely forgotten who he actually is.
The fight with Zhukov is really meant to set up the final two paragraphs (I tried [unsuccessfully!] to imply that Zhukov is a literal Russian troll housed in the facility on purpose). In the final paragraph, Zahir gives Fabian (who still thinks he's Oleksiy, due to the experient's adverse, long-term effects) the amber-encased lotus flower (lotus flowers symbolize new beginnings, and in this story it recalls the beginning of Fabian and Michio's relationship), which jogs his memory and implies that he now knows who he is. The Torres bit from earlier is meant to hint at the fact that Oleksiy is in fact Fabian, who is an American. In the exchange between Nataliya and Oleksiy (Fabian), he mentions that Torres says they don't need translators to communicate (implying they both speak English) and Torres refers to him as a Yank.
The backdrop for the story is that the US Federal government is politically gridlocked, has lost control of large swaths of the country, and is being manipulated by the Rus via misinformation campaigns and election interference, which has led to the rise of Russian political stooges who are undermining the US government’s sovereignty. I would say the story is set 50-100 years in the future. Fabian is from Novorossiya (literally meaning New Russia), one of multiple de facto Russian colonies on the US east coast where ethnic Russians are being seeded. Beantown is a nickname for Boston. Pom City is a nickname for Port Moresby, a crime-ridden city in Papua New Guinea. The mention of Maskirovkans originates from the term Maskirovka, which means Russian military deception. Maskirovkans in this setting are supposed to be disinformation agents who propagate Russian soft power internationally and have successfully infiltrated/compromised foreign governments to devastating effect (especially the US government). And ‘khokhol’ is a slang term (sometimes derogatory) for Ukrainians.
Hopefully that clears things up!
Thanks again for your time, it is much appreciated.
johnVC
Thank you for your feedback! This is my first ever submission and I knew the story wasn't publishable, so all I really wanted was honest, constructive feedback. And you (Rockefeller) delivered! Thank you for that! I deliberately made the narrative ambiguous, having read like-minded scifi shorts in the past and thinking publishers preferred this style. Obviously, the plot was too obscure and made out more like a murder mystery where the puzzle pieces had to be sleuthed together. Anyway, Rockefeller asked for a synopsis, so here it is.
The overall gist of FRAGILE MINDS is that the protagonist Oleksiy is in some sort of rehabilitative center, and but the catch is that he really isn't Oleksiy at all. He is actually named Fabian, and has uploaded an "experient" (basically a hacked recording/simulation, in this case, of a portion of Oleksiy's life) onto his neural implant. Fabian is in the facility because of the experient's devastating effect on his psyche. The heavy medication regimen is causing his mind to dissociate further, hence his inability to discern flashback from memory. Oleksiy and Fabian are both Hardwired - meaning they have neural implants that allow them to interface seamlessly with the internet (and to be hacked).
There are three narratives: Fabian's time in the rehabilitative facility (wherein he thinks he is Oleksiy – written in present-tense), his experient-based flashbacks as Oleksiy (past tense), and his memories leading up to taking the laced experient and subsequent mental breakdown (past tense). It is hinted that the experient Fabian takes is cut with something that adversely affects the user. Michio’s (Fabian's girlfriend) mention of the experient possibly being cut with a "forget-me-not" is supposed to imply that the after effects could be long term.
The second narrative rehashes the exploits of Oleksiy, a Ukrainian freedom fighter who has been oppressed by a resurgent Russia (referred to as The Rus). This thread follows Fabian's experient-based flashbacks of Oleksiy's exploits (exploring the theme of freedom fighter vs. terrorist): the bombing of a hyperloop promontory, his meeting with Sergii (the leader of his cell), and his intent to bomb a Russian military encampment. It's also hinted that Oleksiy is still suffering from the loss of his lover - Nadiya.
The third narrative basically recounts Fabian’s experiences as a lowlife drug runner who is tasked with smuggling designer drugs/software from Pom City back to his home turf of Beantown. Fabian is basically a lost soul who regrets many of his life choices. When Fabian lies in bed after his exchange with Persephone, he stumbles upon an amber-encased lotus flower which had been given to him as a gift from his girlfriend, Michio, when they first started dating. After taking the experient we see how Fabian loses his sense of self ("I wake up in a body that isn't mine" is mentioned multiple times throughout), and eventually he wakes up one day, and has completely forgotten who he actually is.
The fight with Zhukov is really meant to set up the final two paragraphs (I tried [unsuccessfully!] to imply that Zhukov is a literal Russian troll housed in the facility on purpose). In the final paragraph, Zahir gives Fabian (who still thinks he's Oleksiy, due to the experient's adverse, long-term effects) the amber-encased lotus flower (lotus flowers symbolize new beginnings, and in this story it recalls the beginning of Fabian and Michio's relationship), which jogs his memory and implies that he now knows who he is. The Torres bit from earlier is meant to hint at the fact that Oleksiy is in fact Fabian, who is an American. In the exchange between Nataliya and Oleksiy (Fabian), he mentions that Torres says they don't need translators to communicate (implying they both speak English) and Torres refers to him as a Yank.
The backdrop for the story is that the US Federal government is politically gridlocked, has lost control of large swaths of the country, and is being manipulated by the Rus via misinformation campaigns and election interference, which has led to the rise of Russian political stooges who are undermining the US government’s sovereignty. I would say the story is set 50-100 years in the future. Fabian is from Novorossiya (literally meaning New Russia), one of multiple de facto Russian colonies on the US east coast where ethnic Russians are being seeded. Beantown is a nickname for Boston. Pom City is a nickname for Port Moresby, a crime-ridden city in Papua New Guinea. The mention of Maskirovkans originates from the term Maskirovka, which means Russian military deception. Maskirovkans in this setting are supposed to be disinformation agents who propagate Russian soft power internationally and have successfully infiltrated/compromised foreign governments to devastating effect (especially the US government). And ‘khokhol’ is a slang term (sometimes derogatory) for Ukrainians.
Hopefully that clears things up!
Thanks again for your time, it is much appreciated.
johnVC