Post by mrchu on Jul 28, 2021 16:30:47 GMT
SQUAK! My birdie bitches! It is I, Pikachu! Fresh from crapping on the Bulldork's head and here to steel his thunder. Since this was a bird related cap, it is up to I, the alpha bird of the house to pass judgement upon it.
This cap, White, is something of a faerie tale and kind of melancholy in its presentation. The main character, Jane, doesn’t have much of a backbone, which essentially ends up costing her her happiness. There’s a magical baby-producing bird, an indifferent husband, an infant, and the old lady next door who perfectly fills the role of wicked witch.
The bird in this cap is awesome, because, well - he's a bird and birds are the best. The people, however, are all just flawed, weak, selfish, and sad.
As far as the writing style goes, it's a little stiff but generally okay. There is at least one spot where the word choices are redundant. For example:
One night, as she lay in bed after a particularly rough and frustrating night of lovemaking, Jane lay in bed and watched the crack wobble and twitch through the veil of tears she had grown accustomed to seeing her world through.
The cap is overall decent. It leaves you in a haze of depression and emptiness. Which one can only assume is the intent. However, I think this probably should be polished a little more.
So, my vote is no. Close though.
This cap, White, is something of a faerie tale and kind of melancholy in its presentation. The main character, Jane, doesn’t have much of a backbone, which essentially ends up costing her her happiness. There’s a magical baby-producing bird, an indifferent husband, an infant, and the old lady next door who perfectly fills the role of wicked witch.
The bird in this cap is awesome, because, well - he's a bird and birds are the best. The people, however, are all just flawed, weak, selfish, and sad.
As far as the writing style goes, it's a little stiff but generally okay. There is at least one spot where the word choices are redundant. For example:
One night, as she lay in bed after a particularly rough and frustrating night of lovemaking, Jane lay in bed and watched the crack wobble and twitch through the veil of tears she had grown accustomed to seeing her world through.
The cap is overall decent. It leaves you in a haze of depression and emptiness. Which one can only assume is the intent. However, I think this probably should be polished a little more.
So, my vote is no. Close though.
