Post by rorschalk on Jul 27, 2021 20:12:43 GMT
Dear Mr. VC,
FRAGILE MINDS did not make it off the floor.I thank you for the submission and look forward to doing business with you in the future. In case you missed it, here's the skinny from Rockefeller himself:
Speaking of fragile minds, I began reading this cap yesterday afternoon, got about 2/3 though, and had no idea what was going on or why. So I tried again this morning, better caffeinated, and still couldn't make heads or tails of it. That it's split into 10 or 11 sections didn't help. Also, way too many adverbs for my liking. The first paragraph alone contains an instinctively, a continuously, and three slowlys. How does one shout playfully, or smile sarcastically? And how does someone snap anything but angrily? Removing them all probably wouldn't make the narrative any less confusing, might even sharpen it up, make it more like early Gibson, whom I'd bet my left testicle this VC's read. It smacks of that sort of world building, which, actually, I liked.
If I had to guess, I'd guess it's about a guy who has tech that allows him to usurp other people's bodies, and that he jumps around a lot. In one scene he wakes up next to a woman he doesn't recognize, but, instead of just keeping his mouth shut and tapping some strange, freaks out, which was a little disappointing, and also made me wonder where Fabian, the dude she calls "Honey" and attempts to embrace, is in all of this.
[In no particular order, Rocks crumples the pages and throws them at Carol who's engaged in rolling the perfect nine-gram spleef. Probably fortunately he catches Boligard's cautionary look before actually connecting with one.]
If there's a story here, I totally missed it. Not that lit-fic, which can include SF, needs to follow the straight and narrow, but geez I'd love to see a synopsis for this one.
FRAGILE MINDS did not make it off the floor.I thank you for the submission and look forward to doing business with you in the future. In case you missed it, here's the skinny from Rockefeller himself:
Speaking of fragile minds, I began reading this cap yesterday afternoon, got about 2/3 though, and had no idea what was going on or why. So I tried again this morning, better caffeinated, and still couldn't make heads or tails of it. That it's split into 10 or 11 sections didn't help. Also, way too many adverbs for my liking. The first paragraph alone contains an instinctively, a continuously, and three slowlys. How does one shout playfully, or smile sarcastically? And how does someone snap anything but angrily? Removing them all probably wouldn't make the narrative any less confusing, might even sharpen it up, make it more like early Gibson, whom I'd bet my left testicle this VC's read. It smacks of that sort of world building, which, actually, I liked.
If I had to guess, I'd guess it's about a guy who has tech that allows him to usurp other people's bodies, and that he jumps around a lot. In one scene he wakes up next to a woman he doesn't recognize, but, instead of just keeping his mouth shut and tapping some strange, freaks out, which was a little disappointing, and also made me wonder where Fabian, the dude she calls "Honey" and attempts to embrace, is in all of this.
[In no particular order, Rocks crumples the pages and throws them at Carol who's engaged in rolling the perfect nine-gram spleef. Probably fortunately he catches Boligard's cautionary look before actually connecting with one.]
If there's a story here, I totally missed it. Not that lit-fic, which can include SF, needs to follow the straight and narrow, but geez I'd love to see a synopsis for this one.