Post by rorschalk on Jun 2, 2021 17:36:03 GMT
Dear Ms. Adams,
LUMEN's light has been turned off and its remnants turned out to disintegrate and perhaps reconstitute itself in the deluge. Here's Rock's epitaph of its current format as recently posted on the floor.
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Posts: 104
This Lumen cap's about a woman who's lost a baby late enough in pregnancy to constitute a stillbirth (note that stillbirth is one, not two words as written). Because a lot of it's extraneous, or just wasn't that interesting to me, I got to thinking about recent peer-reviewed studies' conclusions that the spike proteins that give coronaviruses their name and what the various mRNA vaxes program your cells to produce are what cause the vascular problems associated with Covid-19 (primarily a vascular disease), and that these proteins, unlike conventional vaccines' dead microbes, migrate from injection sites, across blood-brain barriers, into livers and hearts and spleens, and also women's ovaries and their breastmilk, which has been associated with gastrointestinal bleeding in infants.
The first sentence, "Self-check out was always, always the worst," actually tripped me up enough to google "self check out" and see that checkout is (also) one, not two words. (Worse than a stillbirth?)
A few other things bothered me before I really stepped on the gas to get to the ending's saccharine reconciliation:
She was side by side with grief at all times anymore.
Mostly because of the "anymore."
The word still made her nauseous.
Italicizing "still" is no substitute for a comma pair. I.e., The word, still, made her nauseous.
Most egregiously, though, her eye color (hazel) is mentioned three times. Nothing advances character development like hair and eye color; I wonder how Chinese fiction writers manage. Not.
It saddens me a little to know that these sorts of "reviews" can hurt a writer's feelings. But I am such a writer and, from much experience, know these feelings pass. Hopefully, however, the inclination to reread and revise and consult the oracle of the internet, and (as I have belatedly learned of late) to let Google docs take an editorial crack at your manuscripts, will endure and grow.
[Uh, Doomey, not sure if you've had the vax, but if you have, could you move away from the Porthole for a second while I feed these pages into it. I don't want you shedding spike protein all over me. You too, Carol. Please.]