Post by rorschalk on Jan 17, 2021 19:46:37 GMT
Dear Mr. VC
Sturgeon, one of the readers who sent this up for final adjudication expressed the fact he didn't understand what HoHH was about, but it was "fantastic". I had the same problem but not the same reaction. Unlike Sturgeon, I'm not willing to read this through several times until I understand it, and neither are TQR's investors.The pieces need to at least be lined up so that they can be fit together easily by the reader. I just don't see that the pieces of this piece have been. The themes touched on in HoHH could easily be expanded on. The significance of the box they buy at auction could easily spin off into a whole other set of scenes. I realize the box is central to what you're trying to show us, but it needs to be clearer. McMansion needs to have more skin in the game, too. Right off the bat we're told his mother is just a cell phone call away from coming to rescue him from his irredeemable father if need be. Don't give him that easy rip cord and the tension between father and son could be explored more sympathetically as flawed humans reconciling their differences on more equal terms. Best of luck with this.
TQR