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Post by rorschalk on Jan 8, 2021 21:36:41 GMT
Dear Mr. VC,
This won't be published at TQR. Technically solkd, but like Max--perhaps more in the clumsy, feet of clay type way than its ephemeral definition--its got no soul. The robot detective's origins leave the reader hanging, too. What, exactly, is the Trenton Ten? I am sorry to give this short shrift like this, but it just couldn't focus my attention. As I write this, I'm trying to figure out why so I at least can leave you with something to mull over.
It seems like the characters, I must disagree respectfully with the fish on this point, are not given enough quirks or a personality that makes them more than two dimensional. And because of this, I didn't care about them. I could see what was coming from a mile away with the killer chair, especially when you called its maker something like the Craftsmen or Artisan of Steel. My advice to you would be give these people some quirks and a deeper inner monologue of implied back story that may add some depth and excitement to is a fairly standard and dull crime procedural. Now, I'm off to to synchronize my heart beat with a speed ball maraca. I wish you and your work the best of luck.
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Post by johnVC on Jan 9, 2021 22:32:37 GMT
Dear Mr. Rorschalk,
So, did you like the font? Just kidding. I do appreciate the feedback and will try to make the characters more 3D. I'll also remove the Trenton Ten and Artisan of Steel.
Appreciate your time and suggestions, johnVC
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Post by rorschalk on Jan 9, 2021 22:43:26 GMT
Dear Mr. VC,
I am pleased we are having a good spirited conversation in regards to the betterment of your cap. That is what this place is all about. I am not necessarily advocating the removal of anything, least of which is the Trenton Ten. Something like that snippet could be leveraged to set up a boffo plot twist later on, or at least be explained more fully to give depth and pathos to Max, the Robot. Also, sometimes, though I said otherwise in my first critique, tells like the "artisan of steel" can be perfectly fine and even beneficial depending on how well you cloak them. Maybe drop it in the middle of a list or an off-handed snippet of dialogue that can easily be missed, but not missed. Or, fork instance, can be used to comic effect after the reveal. Max's human counterpart could have deadpanned something about how he hadn't really adjusted Max's algorithm enough for irony "but I should have looked at the brochure closer and picked up on the the peculiarity of the craftsman calling himself the ominous Artisan of Steel." Anyhow. Best to you sir, and I look fwd to doing business with you in the future.
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