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Post by rorschalk on Dec 10, 2020 22:58:59 GMT
Dear Mr. VCONSLAUGHT has been rejected. Here's the critique of it from the floor. Best of luck.***
When my boys were little, the only TV shows I censored were WWF wrestling and the Saturday morning G.I. Joe cartoons. The former struck me as sadism for the stupid and the latter imperialism for the idiotic. So, needless to say, my thematic biases against this Onslaught cap, even if it had been competently penned and edited rather than chock full of mispunctuated speech tags and incorrect and missing words, would have compelled me to spread it on the Floor, urinate and (if Carol would just turn her head) possibly defecate on it so as to impart to its too many pages enough weight and substance that the trebuchet we keep always at the ready here might sling the soggy mass as deep into the Porthole as possible.
I apologize to the VC for the harshness of this appraisal. It's probably not that bad. Perhaps were I not a lesbian trapped in a man's body, this story of good-old-boy machismo and war would not have rankled so. I did enjoy Hacksaw Ridge. Perhaps it will appease you to know I didn't actually read all of it; in fact, only the first page or so, and then your vomit inspiring epilogue:
"Duty, honour, country. Those three hallowed words reverently dictate what your [sic ?] ought to be, what you can be, and what you will be...." - Douglas MacArthur
I can't even guess at MacArthur's missing word (or why he'd use Canadian spelling). Was it "penis"? "car"? "IQ"?
Let me leave you with an epilogue of my own:
"The only war worth entertaining is revolution." - Me
PS
Dear VC,
Again, sorry for the rant. We are mostly assholes here, so this is not a good place for the thin of skin to sub. An editorial scrape and it might find a home in some more patriotic, jingoistic, militaristic venue, like this one: www.ausa.org/publications/army-magazine
Love,
TQ Rockefeler
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Post by johnVC on Dec 11, 2020 13:40:08 GMT
I’ve received some rejections in the past, including ones that were somewhat harsh. This however, takes the proverbial cake. Never would have I imagined that people who are in the pubishing business could be so rude, unprofessional, and even as vile as your members.
Do you get a kick out of ruining someone’s feelings upon rejection? This is a very sad way to conduct yourselves indeed.
I will never send any more work your way, as good literature seems to be lost over there on people with closed minds.
yours revoltingly, johnVC
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Post by rorschalk on Dec 11, 2020 14:19:54 GMT
Mr. VC,
I agree with you.TQR is not the venue for those who have their feelings "ruined" by a statement of unvarnished opinion that doesn't happen to go their way. Regardless of the rejection, Rox was magnanimous enough to do some market research for you, offering you a link to a more suitable venue for your venture. Come on, man Take some courage from the heroic source of ONSLAUGHT's own epilogue, for crying out loud. When Douglas McCarthur had his ass handed to him in the Philippines did he not remark that his retreat was only a temporary set back and he'd soon return and take back what was his? Yes he did. He didn't meekly accept his defeat and ride off with his tale between his legs. The only closed mind on display here is yours.
Good day, sir.
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Post by johnVC on Dec 11, 2020 16:41:33 GMT
FORM LETTER TO TQR:
Rejection is fine, but your unprofessional rejection letter to someone I know was totally uncalled for. If that is the norm, word will also reach those whose stories you might have wanted, You are not doing yourself any favours as tales of such crappy, juvenile behaviour spread on the internet.
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Post by rockefeller on Dec 11, 2020 17:32:30 GMT
Hey J,
I do feel a little bad for the rude review, but not because I didn't like the piece, or because I was over-the-top candid and crude (using obscenity as a rhetorical device). It would've been a lot easier to cut and paste a polite form reject after skimming a paragraph or two, something like, "Thank you for submitting to us. Unfortunately your piece does not meet our needs at this time," as most zines do. Ironically, perhaps, it is our rudeness and inconsideration that keeps us blacklisted on Duotrope and Grinder, and our submissions low enough that we can give each the special attention it deserves. Besides calling your attention to incorrect speech tag punctuation, I did flag one rather important missing word, right? And I do try to make it very clear that my remarks are almost completely subjective and biased and unauthoritative.
One reason I feel a little bad for this type of rejection is because I know they can hurt. I received several such rejections subbing here before becoming an editor. My latest, in fact, subbed under an alias (as we are all sometimes wont to do here but promise never to do again) received this (and only this) from a colleague on the Floor:
"Yeah, fucking no, bitches. First off, Christian Miles is bleached and worn. Right? I totals understand why a fella might sit down and craft himself a really good looking book, or a story, or an instant. But Christian crafted a pot of nasty stew. Couple pages in I was really not liking the mood. Funny how some capitalists can craft and some can the fuck not."
She called my baby "a pot of nasty stew." So, I know how you feel. But the main reason I feel guilty is because, while you are subbing under your actual name via your actual email, I am critiquing totally anonymously, hiding behind this avatar, which hardly seems fair. Maybe I'll shoot you an email if you'd like to tell me more directly, and on equal footing, how inappropriate my thoughts were.
Best,
Rock
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