If I was being charitable, I would say: At its best this cap invokes the feeling of Stanislaw Lem's Cyberiad, with its mythical feel and its crazy/smart protagonists playing god.
If I was not being charitable, I would say: Never mind the plot, or how it feels, it's not very well put together. It's bloatier than Bloaty McBloatface.
From the first two paragraphs, examples of the sinful over-writing to which I refer:
"They spoke quietly because the conversation was of the nature that inspired such secretiveness." [In the context, a tautology, and should have been deleted.]
"He stood a towering, for his race, 4 feet in height. The pale-green-skinned inhabitants of the planet Bordeion were generally small in stature." [The latter assertion unnecessarily repeats the first.]
The thing is, the plot's good. I like the idea that telling a human about a (lethal) treasure is enough to seal his fate. I like the Sisyphean twist. But it's overlong, or under-edited. Half as many words would have been twice as good. Je n’ai fait celle-ci plus longue que parce que je n’ai pas eu le loisir de la faire plus courte.
The Bullmeister is coming down from a three day weekend. As he sips his coffee, he ponders the length of weekends and his prospects for accumulating enough wealth to turn the entire workweek into a never ending holiday.
But his numbers haven’t come up yet, so back to work he goes. Crap.
And although the Bulldog is somewhat of an asshole, he’s not 100% asshole, like say the douche bag main character in this cap “The Cursed Treasure of Mount Perilion”.
The cap begins with two aliens discussing vengeance on this human scourge who somehow caused the demise of a friend. Since they are forbidden from actually exacting revenge, they have to find a way to get Grey, the douche bag, to facilitate his own downfall. And a treasure hunt is the bait.
The story is funny and basically okay, but there are a few nagging points that are irksome.
The most glaring one for me was the fact that conveniently Bordian law forbids communication devices and that Bordians did not use mechanical transportation.
The second is why Doroc is just giving Lomarri money on the third journey. You’d think he would have done it sooner.
These points are probably a little nitpicky though.
The irony and plot were good though. The placement of the foreshadowing is well done. But I have to agree with the fish as this cap could have been streamlined a bit. So this is a no, but after some editing it could definitely find a market, like say in a Sci-Fi humor magazine somewhere, if such of a thing exists. However, as it is, it’s not a Monkey thing.