Woah, I've been neglecting my duties, I should've reviewed this two weeks ago. I promise to be better until I do it again.
So, this is a slice of life story, about a drunk watching a frantic family at East Beach while waiting for an ex to pass by in the naive hope of starting up a reconciliation. It's well enough wrItten - not enough panache to be quotable, but a consistent and passably convincing voice.
There are a couple of bits where the choreography could be improved, like... the twins joke probably should've been a one-shot; it could be clearer what's happening when the kid runs away; it could be much clearer what's happening when the drunk throws the bag of crisps at the boy. Not sure you needed to repeat "judgemental umbrellas" three times in as many lines.
For me this story is ok. It's almost good. But the monkey remains untouched.
The Bull has also been remiss in his TQR duties. Weeks of working from the living room have taken a toll. Today, the Bullmeister wears pants. Tomorrow, who knows? It all seems vaguely surreal now – the TP shortages, the isolation, the lack of buffets to graze upon.
The cap “A Romantic Time at East Beach” was an angst-filled romp through human relationships. On one hand, we see the present familial dysfunction, with the seagull beseeched family forcing a fun time at the beach. On the other hand, we are given a window to the main character’s drunken reminiscences.
The imagery of the family’s outing was excellent and the contrast to the failed romance was well done. However, I felt like the relationship wasn’t as defined as I would have liked. There was little about why the relationship failed, what happened and who, if anyone, was at fault. Sure, there were hints and perhaps this was done to be intentionally subtle. However, I would have seen more character development of the main character to understand her hesitation to move on.
Overall, yes, this was well written. I think it needs a little tweaking. So I have to say no.