Post by sturgeon on Jan 8, 2020 13:45:38 GMT
Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!
At last, after all this time, capital that TQR will be proud to publish! We have been patient to a fault, and yet we have been richly rewarded. This is a glittering golden nugget of goodstuff. The Monkey Has Been Slapped Upon Its Crimson Behind.
This is true literature. Confident writing, sometimes even lyrical; mythic characters that feel more real than I do - even the character who's really just an upstart painting; and a plot that moves at just the right pace, with a fitting Big Finish (to borrow Terry Rossio's phrase). It's a tale about beauty, meaning, obsession, art, hubris, jealousy - those are grand topics to tackle and yet the author has succeeded in a most entertaining, satisfying, and resonant way.
Yes, says I. Publish or be damned.
I've made a list below of some errors I found and minor editorial suggestions, which should serve to remind us lesser writers that while polish helps, content is king.
- "She was are of her own beauty impersonally, as she was are, as part of a neutral inventory of facts, that she was left handed" - "are" should be "aware" x2.
- It is odd, at the beginning, that Georgette speaks as if Hilda owns Mark - it smacks of a fantasy setting; so it's jarring when Georgette says with unnatural (authorial) directness "this is 1968 and not the middle ages".
- "literal transliteration" - delete "literal", it causes an unnecessarily clumsy repetition.
- 'PI'll take it all" - opening quotes should be double, and "PI'll" should be "I'll"
- When she arrives at the Louvre and drinks the potion I assumed she was already inside, but then she enters again.
- "I imagine it is because you consider her bulgar" - I don't think he meant to talk about wheat...
- "Amused, Georgette sat down, somewhere on the outskirts and watched Andy hold court" - move the second comma after "outskirts", also Georgette uses the phrase "pay court" a page earlier which is sufficiently unusual that it stuck in my mind and "hold court" felt like a repetition.
- "Georgette glared -- then went wide-eyed as she drew, by the hand, Boy out of the bedroom as well" - the structure of this sentence makes it sound like the "she" pronoun refers to Georgette, which is confusing at a key dramatic point. Change "she" to "Hilda".
- I'm afraid it's a bit lame that Mark speaks with his dying breath. If he's been strangled into submission, he'd be unconscious or already dead. He can be silent and we get exactly the same impact from this ending. If you must, have him say "At last you have - your masterpiece" while he is still in her grip.