FAIR LAID

FAIR LAID Dec 18, 2019 18:19:12 GMT

Post by rockefeller on Dec 18, 2019 18:19:12 GMT

Rocks has read and written his share of hard and soft porn. Porno, by Irvine Welsh, was pretty good despite every 5th word or so being "cunt." Wallace's Big Red Sun is a seriously interesting look at the industry by perhaps the greatest humor essayist of all time. But Rocks' first taste of the genre came as a boy via the philanthropy of some perv who'd leave dogeared paperbacks with titles like "Doctor Yes" for him to find on his porch on his way to his early morning paper route. See, at the time, his family was part of a large urban Christian commune that, as such, tended to attract other mentally ill types. These tattered offerings, rife with sinuous members thrusting into quivering vulvae while their owners contorted into twister-like positions (that Rocks could never quite, try as he might, imagine) constituted his first voluntary reading. Before this, he'd only read because his parents had mandated that he read one hour for each hour of TV he watched. Despite the inexplicable dearth of synonyms for nipple, these books inspired Rocks to become a writer.

The cap in review here, with much tell and little show, falls well short of even soft-core erotica. Diana Gabladon is juicier. The plot itself is plodding and, somehow, both predictable and unbelievable. Rocks found it to be an adolescent work devoid of research. (And how hard is it to research porn FFS?) The reason it is "unpublishable" as the VC claims, isn't because it's controversial or shocking or anything to be Afraid Of, but because it's long (way too long), dull and pretentious in an immature way.

Now, in all fairness, like our beloved floorite who was no doubt consumed with nepotistic delusions and scarfing hankies, Rocks did not read it carefully in its entirety. Once he had the gist, he began to skim just slowly enough to keep an eye on the plot and out for possibly salacious nuggets of description or vernacular (of which he saw none).

Also, to be fair (Fair Read), if the VC is as young as this yarn would seem to indicate, then she demonstrates not unimpressive technical skills. The grammar and punctuation, the voice and pace, even the odd metafictive aside, all suggest a more experienced writer. It was only the story that Rocks found lacking. So, dear VC, don't be discouraged by this, Rocks' final abuse.

Yes, this is Rocks' swan song. He has lost faith. And so he tucks his dangling testicles back up into his fetching red shorty-shorts, struts over to and crawls through the half open window overlooking, far below, a Waffle house in a Wal-mart's parking lot, and jumps. Don't worry, friends. TQR corporate, probably inspired by China's Apple factories, has strung suicide prevention nets around the building's entire perimeter. Rocks had hoped to end his illustrious career here on a high note, a positive note. But alas he cannot, and, "Noooooooooooo!" he cries all the way down.

Post by bulldust on Dec 17, 2019 20:20:36 GMT

Post by rockefeller on Dec 18, 2019 18:19:12 GMT