Post by bulldust on Nov 22, 2019 21:31:30 GMT
***Warning: The following statements made by Bulldust are cruel and unusual.
Doomey, Doomey, Doomey, Doomey.
Why do you task the Bull? Can you not see that he has a full plate and has no time for these theatrics? Is this some sort of punishment for a past transgression? Has the Bullmeister somehow offended you?
First, you channel the spirit of Farva and call the terminali chicken fuckers. How exactly would that work? Is this some insinuation that Rocks and the Bull are somehow lacking substantive genitalia?
Then you send this crapital. Why? Please explain. It’s just baffling.
We’ll start with the simple stuff, the things that should have been caught in word processor’s built in spell/grammar checker. Even Valdocs via 1986 had this feature. Why didn’t the VC do a simple spell check?
Look! This sentence is completely lacking in flow and should be reworked:
The Hill hall staff rearranged chairs and tables as music played, and students gathered in small groups and some danced.
…and some boogied down and some had pancakes.
Too many “ands”. Come on. This is on the first half of the first page.
AND (you like what I did there?) this is not how you spell break-up:
I wasn’t taking Gator’s bait, nor was I sure I wanted to dance with anyone, anyway. I was still hurting from the brake up last semester with my high school sweetheart who informed me, rather abruptly, that she wanted space and was moving on without me.
And another obvious misspelling:
Miss understanding.
Yes, editing can fix this. However, delivering capital as polished as possible reduces the chances of pissing off editors and submission readers. The VC needs to understand that future submissions to any market will be scrutinized with these things in mind.
Bitchy? Maybe. But this is low hanging fruit and really should be dealt with.
Also, there were too many changes in POV/scene for my liking and they’re poorly defined. We hop from group to group with no delineation of where we are from paragraph to paragraph. One second we’re in a dorm suite with Susan, Bonnie and Janet, then we’re back in the cafeteria with Joe and Gator. It takes a second to figure out where the fuck you are in the story.
Now to the critical portion of this crapital. I ask merely one question.
Where the fuck is the plot?
Yeah, we have a guy chasing a girl and some build up, then NOTHING! There’s this kind of prologue that leave you wondering “why the fuck did I just read this?” I’m still asking myself what the point was.
Asshole much. Yeah, I’m being one. Do I mean it to be a complete dick? No.
Seriously, we do no justice to the VC by saying this is okay. It’s not. But it can be. Fix the grammar and spelling. Make the scene changes clearer and PLEASE give this capital a proper ending.
The Bull has spoken. This is a no. Rocks, you can disagree, but I somehow doubt you will.
***Note: VC, the Bull bears you no ill will. Writing is difficult and the Bull knows you're putting a small piece of yourself out to be publicly scrutinized. We have all been there.
Doomey, Doomey, Doomey, Doomey.
Why do you task the Bull? Can you not see that he has a full plate and has no time for these theatrics? Is this some sort of punishment for a past transgression? Has the Bullmeister somehow offended you?
First, you channel the spirit of Farva and call the terminali chicken fuckers. How exactly would that work? Is this some insinuation that Rocks and the Bull are somehow lacking substantive genitalia?
Then you send this crapital. Why? Please explain. It’s just baffling.
We’ll start with the simple stuff, the things that should have been caught in word processor’s built in spell/grammar checker. Even Valdocs via 1986 had this feature. Why didn’t the VC do a simple spell check?
Look! This sentence is completely lacking in flow and should be reworked:
The Hill hall staff rearranged chairs and tables as music played, and students gathered in small groups and some danced.
…and some boogied down and some had pancakes.
Too many “ands”. Come on. This is on the first half of the first page.
AND (you like what I did there?) this is not how you spell break-up:
I wasn’t taking Gator’s bait, nor was I sure I wanted to dance with anyone, anyway. I was still hurting from the brake up last semester with my high school sweetheart who informed me, rather abruptly, that she wanted space and was moving on without me.
And another obvious misspelling:
Miss understanding.
Yes, editing can fix this. However, delivering capital as polished as possible reduces the chances of pissing off editors and submission readers. The VC needs to understand that future submissions to any market will be scrutinized with these things in mind.
Bitchy? Maybe. But this is low hanging fruit and really should be dealt with.
Also, there were too many changes in POV/scene for my liking and they’re poorly defined. We hop from group to group with no delineation of where we are from paragraph to paragraph. One second we’re in a dorm suite with Susan, Bonnie and Janet, then we’re back in the cafeteria with Joe and Gator. It takes a second to figure out where the fuck you are in the story.
Now to the critical portion of this crapital. I ask merely one question.
Where the fuck is the plot?
Yeah, we have a guy chasing a girl and some build up, then NOTHING! There’s this kind of prologue that leave you wondering “why the fuck did I just read this?” I’m still asking myself what the point was.
Asshole much. Yeah, I’m being one. Do I mean it to be a complete dick? No.
Seriously, we do no justice to the VC by saying this is okay. It’s not. But it can be. Fix the grammar and spelling. Make the scene changes clearer and PLEASE give this capital a proper ending.
The Bull has spoken. This is a no. Rocks, you can disagree, but I somehow doubt you will.
***Note: VC, the Bull bears you no ill will. Writing is difficult and the Bull knows you're putting a small piece of yourself out to be publicly scrutinized. We have all been there.
