WHAT DOES THE EARLY WORM GET?

WHAT DOES THE EARLY WORM GET? Nov 5, 2019 21:28:45 GMT

Post by bulldust on Nov 5, 2019 21:28:45 GMT

The Bull has seen a lot of shit. He’s been places a bovine should never had ventured. Burger joints, butcher counters. Some frightening-ass shit. The Bullbog should have lost his mind decades ago. Yet somehow, he’s had the luck of the drunken fool and walked away from the worst of it.  In general, the universe has been kind to the Bullmeister.

Sure the Bull still deals with existential crap. You know, worries about things beyond a Bull’s control, like politics and the lack of money trees out there, but all and all, it’s good. He counts himself fortunate he never got ground into a burger or ended up on a plate at Ruth's Chris Steak House.  The Bull, for the most part, has been lucky and content.

That’s until the Bullmeister encountered this statement:

    “The last black hole didn’t evaporate until I killed it off with a laser.”

That’s when reality smacked him upside the head with this lack of logic and scientific reason.

MADNESS!

What the fuck was that? You can’t evaporate a blackhole, even a microscopic one, with a laser. If you could, then all those fucking suns would collapse the freaking things the second the hit the event horizon. Who the fuck shoots a black hole with a laser?

He clutched his head wondering what fucking moron train hit him. Stepping away, he consulted the laws of physics for a moment, took a breather and returned. This had to be a fluke.

But just as the Bull decided to let that line pass and continue onward, the insanity escalated.

    “So, you’re floating microscopic black holes in an electric field. That’s real Nobel stuff!” Smirk leaned back with a smirk.

No. No, he’s not and no it’s not. IT IS IMPOSSIBLE! You can’t FLOAT a black hole in an electric field. It's just nonsense.

Please stand by while Bulldust’s head explodes from this extreme scientific faux pas.

<Cue musical interlude as Bulldust tries to get his crap together.>

Okay, okay, okay. Deep breaths. The Bull is composing himself and continuing this cap.

Goddamn it! No. He can’t get passed lasers, floating electrical fields and black holes. Another breath and the Bull dives in again.

It only gets worse.

    “Nobody knows this yet, but I’ve gotten two black holes in the same chamber at the same time. They’re safe in their own magnetic bottles. And I’m close to getting them wormed!” Wormhole connections between two black holes would be almost magic. I wanted to put Smirk in his place.

The Bull cannot abide this madness. Even magic systems have rules. This has no set of rules, no subset, no union, just craptasic crap crap crap!

ARGHHH. Fuck this VC.

The Bull simply cannot continue.

Black holes do not work that way.

Fix your science, VC. Until then, talk to the hoof.

WHAT DOES THE EARLY WORM GET? Nov 7, 2019 19:34:40 GMT

Post by rockefeller on Nov 7, 2019 19:34:40 GMT

Rox loves himself a good sci-fi. Big fan of Cixin. Douglas Adams, too. So obviously scientific correctness isn't a requirement. Really, if sci-fi were one-hundred percent peer-reviewable by the scientific community, like say Einstein's "The Foundation of the General Theory of Relativity" or even his "Approximative Integration of the Field Equations of Gravitation," also published in 1916, it'd be pretty inaccessible and boring to practically the entire sci-fi reading community. Even Rox'd probably skim then bail then give it a pass.

But, that said, good sci-fi ought to have underpinnings that more or less jibe with what your average grade school dropout understands today of the sciences, mainly physics, and not just pay lip service to its terminologies and jargon as this cap basically does. Like falling into a black hole does not put one in two places at once (as per quantum superposition) but rather into a frame of reference that is different from an observer's. And an object moving faster than light (although Rocks isn't sure bending space or skipping along higher dimensional branes and whatnot constitutes FTL) for only a few feet, even if it did reverse causality, would do so only by a femtosecond or two, and not result in the visually observable lags noted by this cap's narrator.

Still, geeky quibbles aside, the science wasn't totally undigestable. Rocks has seen worse in print. And it did capture the scientific process, albeit at a hyperbolically accelerated pace. Plus the prose was pretty smooth. And, at first anyway, it was kind of funny, this poor schlep experimentally creating and controlling wormholes in the lab and dropping ever larger and more complex objects through them, but having to do so in his spare time in order to work on more important projects. Kind of how Einstein moonlit a lot of his early papers while working for the Swiss Patent Office where he was supposed to be reviewing patent submissions. So up until almost the end, Rocks was ready to drop this in the Monkey's wormhole. But then the ending sucked so intensely... so vehemently... so... so... so Oh-please-don't-just-have-this-guy-off-himself-The-End-as-per-almost-every-preteen's-first-story-Rocks-has-ever-read humor-destroyingly horribly, he has to concur with his illustrious colleague here, and say, No.