|
|
Post by rockefeller on Jul 22, 2019 19:05:45 GMT
Of all the many substances Rocks has abused, amphetamines were the least fun. Hard for him to imagine someone gobbling them down by the bowlful and staying productive, or even functional... at least for more than a month or two.
Still, an unusually entertaining cap with just enough researched specifics for Rocks (who's going to grous a bit and then send it up) to suspend disbelief and buy into.
"...a suit so sharp it could cut a diamond."
Rocks did not like this hyperbole. Too easy, and yet vaguely inaccurate. First thing that springs to Rocks' limited mental facilities is, "...so sharp it made my eyes bleed." Or maybe just an apt simile like, "...sharp as a boar's incisors" or similar.
But the prose is tight, and the UK lilt, especially given it's 1st person, didn't detract. Rocks never was, however, able to figure what it was about.
“You haven’t met Sadie Carmine.”
The above appears at the end of the first section, page 3, and, given this is a short story, seems rather far along to introduce the main character. Not that the preceding wasn't tight and engaging narrative, but just that it offered no inkling of what to expect, leaving Rocks to wonder if the VC had, neither, had any inkling of what was to follow by this juncture. Able crafters, such as this author most definitely is, can do this sort of thing. Fly by the seat of their pants. Just start writing, see where it goes, then retrofit where it went. If that makes any sense. [Rocks gulps a few chocolate covered almonds from a big bag on his desk. Yes, he decides, it makes perfect sense.]
This is going to sound anal (probably because it is) but it annoyed Rocks not to know who played white in their little MC-gets-to-fuck-her-if-he-wins chess game. Aphazero vs. Stockfish's 100 game match proved white has a marked advantage. At this point, Rocks still thought Sadie might be an android or AI-augmented or something, and not just because of all the SF we get here.
"After a couple of exchanges she was down on material."
"The exchange" in chess is a minor piece (knight or bishop) for a rook. Otherwise, if she lost material, then they weren't trades. Another nerdy quibble, but, up a knight early on, seems he should've been able to queen a pawn... but whatever. Really, all Rocks' whining and nitpicking here just goes to show is that he was into the read and wouldn't have minded a tad more detail.
The only other grammatical thing that gave Rocks pause came when the narrator referred to Sadie as "this jailbait girl" when there'd been no prior suggestion that she was underage. Or does "jailbait" mean something different (like "fit" does) in UK speak?
A little poetic justice re the antagonist Murgatroyd would not have been unwelcome. Also, the ending maybe rang a little preachy, even cliche. Yet it definitely sticks to a motif. Really, in conjunction with the title, kind of clobbers it over the head. So, okay, maybe it works. Even if, given his epiphany, there still isn't a chance in hell they live happily ever after.
But, still and overall, it was too engaging a read to say no to. So Rocks says yes. Really, for all his captious remarks, a rather unreserved yes at that.
|
|
|
|
Post by bulldust on Jul 24, 2019 19:18:47 GMT
Moo, bitches!
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Bull is behind. It’s been busy. Hurricane season is upon Florida and the Bull is preoccupied with potential disaster. It is impending, even if it’s not on the map. And the Bullmeister is not liking the idea of boarding up the house and caging pets.
No, there are no forecasts for any weather events anytime soon. But until the end of November, the Bull’s panties are in a bunch. Please no named storms near me, goddamit!
It’s enough to make a Bull turn to drugs and booze. Which brings me to the cap “Second Place”.
Upon reading the first third of this cap, I found myself alienated like the VC was deliberately hardening the central character from the reader. As I continued through the cap, I saw this was intentional. As the cap progressed and the plot became less organized and chaos begins to seep into his life, we see a changing Lambert. He loses focus and his priorities change. We are finally able to connect to him.
But it’s obvious Lambert’s affection is misplaced and tragic. And despite all his attempts to fix Sadie, you know she’s going to break him again.
Do I think this cap is good? Yes. But there is a predictability and sappiness about it, especially the last line. I’m torn, so I’m going with a no, so we get a tiebreaker.
|
|
|
|
Post by rorschalk on Sept 6, 2019 17:31:31 GMT
And finally, Mr. Fish
SECOND PLACE didn't win the race. Again, I apologize it took so long to deliver this anti-climactic buzzkill. I'll briefly delineate my reasons why.
Heaven's to Murgatroyd: His introduction is intriguing and I want more, but he is used as a minor character simply to raise the red flag of Carmine.
I gotta say I love the subtle juxtaposition in their initial conversation about a new money maker having to do with the new age of shared property ie wild west VC capitalizing on the coming EU communist reality. Very nice touch.
Carmine: I think I understand the metaphorical aspect of the character as being the one thing you want most of all and, therefore, can never have. But as literal character I can't see the attraction. It makes me hate the narrator for giving up all of his dignity for no reason other than being struck by the proverbial thunderbolt of love. It is a bias of mine, I must admit, that I have come to the conclusion that this cupid's arrow dynamic has been confused or conflated with the initial rush of endorphins common to a body at the beginning of a new budding about-to-be sexual relationship which is, I believe, a reflexive remnant of the biological imperative to propogate the species way back when we were cave dwellers competing with saber tooth tigers and wooly mammoths. So, even at the best of relationship startups, where there is mutual attraction and sexual congress in great abundance, the thunderbolt doesn't translate to me as love. But this love of Lambert's is like a thunderbolt of anti-live because its object couldn't be more undeserving of his love. Therein is the metaphor of the most desired thing being that which you can never have and I dig that, but it doesn't work for me anywhere but on the figurative plane (or is it plain?). I can't stand Lambert once he starts degrading himself for this totally undeserving paramour. And the ending is just, yeah, what did you expect Lame Bert? I suppose there is some schadenfreude in seeing him cuckolded by Carmine, something everyone and their mother knew was coming, but it's just blahhhh and not in a cathartic way cuz his singular fealty to this Carmine thing is not something that is, thankfully, universal.
It also is not believable that Carmine was the top moneymaker even though her drug habits and lifestyle choices make her out to be the opposite of anyone with the discipline and focus to get to that pinnacle. Granted, she does not sustain it, but it's hard to imagine from what we are given of the character that she could even get their at all.
The piece is impeccably written. It flows nicely and there was only one typo I noticed. It's just a case of the logic of the characters and their relationship not adding up for me.
I thank you for your patience and wish you all the best with this and your other works here and elsewhere in the future.
|
|
