Post by sturgeon on Nov 17, 2022 17:07:10 GMT
This cap is cake.
Is there such a genre as "anthropological intrigue"? Perhaps Vonnegut's output could be described as such, using sci-fi situations to examine human truths, with a dash of drama thrown in. This cap has the same ingredients, although without as much bite.
Using such a lofty comparator is unfair, though, because I did like this cap. The title is a good hook, the characters are introduced with confidence, and the plot is satisfying without ever being predictable. There are several layers which kept me interested: the existential exploration alluded to in the title, the relationship between future-man and primitive-tribe-woman, the strong yet vulnerable marital bond, the Company's shady motives. Narratively, these angles are handled deftly, with a character-driven rather than plot-driven feel.
It's not perfect. I can understand rockefeller's vacillations on the Floor (and enjoyed his thoughtful analysis of the afterlife: "you're not dead for any length of time at all"). But I enjoyed the read.
This cap is cake. It's a cake baked in a tin too small - it overflows here and there and ends up a bit messy, but it still tastes delicious.
I vote Yes.
Bunch of errors/edits I spotted (on top of the ones Rocks pointed out):
- First sentence is missing an "it".
- A few paragraphs down, the line about colour-blindness has an "it" too many ("I learnedit"). Ah, that's where the sneaky pronoun went.
- "All he’s asked of him is to come up with ideas" - "he's" is not right, should be "they've" assuming you're referring to the Company.
- "living consciences that can auto-manage themselves" - "consciousnesses" not "consciences".
- "Against them, individuals that are aware ofto a new and better afterlife"
- "She hit me laughing" needs a comma.
- "It’s just a though, but what if, just like a recessive gene..." - "thought" not "though".
- The initial capital letter in the Company and the Reverend is missed at least once for each.
- "I do think that is a plan with better odds of succeeding," - "did" not "do".
- "...it would have branched off idioms from other tribes in the area." - "dialects" not "idioms".
- "was that I would be fully inoculated against any known disease." - Inoculation does not necessarily prevent disease from spreading, perhaps you mean that he was quarantined or similar?
- "He was hardly recognizable from the caveman I had met in Florence." - "as" not "from".
- You have English spellings in some places (eg colour) and American spellings elsewhere (eg recognizable).
- Finally, I would suggest deleting the "Too" from the title. Makes it punchier, and technically more consistent with the plot.
Is there such a genre as "anthropological intrigue"? Perhaps Vonnegut's output could be described as such, using sci-fi situations to examine human truths, with a dash of drama thrown in. This cap has the same ingredients, although without as much bite.
Using such a lofty comparator is unfair, though, because I did like this cap. The title is a good hook, the characters are introduced with confidence, and the plot is satisfying without ever being predictable. There are several layers which kept me interested: the existential exploration alluded to in the title, the relationship between future-man and primitive-tribe-woman, the strong yet vulnerable marital bond, the Company's shady motives. Narratively, these angles are handled deftly, with a character-driven rather than plot-driven feel.
It's not perfect. I can understand rockefeller's vacillations on the Floor (and enjoyed his thoughtful analysis of the afterlife: "you're not dead for any length of time at all"). But I enjoyed the read.
This cap is cake. It's a cake baked in a tin too small - it overflows here and there and ends up a bit messy, but it still tastes delicious.
I vote Yes.
Bunch of errors/edits I spotted (on top of the ones Rocks pointed out):
- First sentence is missing an "it".
- A few paragraphs down, the line about colour-blindness has an "it" too many ("I learned
- "All he’s asked of him is to come up with ideas" - "he's" is not right, should be "they've" assuming you're referring to the Company.
- "living consciences that can auto-manage themselves" - "consciousnesses" not "consciences".
- "Against them, individuals that are aware of
- "She hit me laughing" needs a comma.
- "It’s just a though, but what if, just like a recessive gene..." - "thought" not "though".
- The initial capital letter in the Company and the Reverend is missed at least once for each.
- "I do think that is a plan with better odds of succeeding," - "did" not "do".
- "...it would have branched off idioms from other tribes in the area." - "dialects" not "idioms".
- "was that I would be fully inoculated against any known disease." - Inoculation does not necessarily prevent disease from spreading, perhaps you mean that he was quarantined or similar?
- "He was hardly recognizable from the caveman I had met in Florence." - "as" not "from".
- You have English spellings in some places (eg colour) and American spellings elsewhere (eg recognizable).
- Finally, I would suggest deleting the "Too" from the title. Makes it punchier, and technically more consistent with the plot.