|
Post by sturgeon on Mar 28, 2022 12:54:29 GMT
What we have here, dear investors, is an effective if unsophisticated horror cap. Which is, for the most part, just how I like 'em.
The central conceit of the "Chewing Dead" was suitably horrific, and the tension building up to the big reveal mostly worked. If this had been my creation, I'd have doubled down on the gore, for sure - having got your investors where you want them, why not keep them squirming on the hook a while? But the marginally more philosophical approach of this cap was interesting in its own way.
A couple of things bothered me though. One, the unnecessary number of times the main character voiced his doubt about the situation - an example of where the maxim "show, don't tell" would have been helpful to avoid repetition. And, two, the apparent disconnect between the theme called out at the beginning of the cap (the questionable integrity of making a living by piggybacking on the grief of others) and the thrust of the plot, which seems to make no comment on the protagonist's moral position.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed the characterisations, I commend the build-up of tension, and I do believe my brain will haunt me with the image of the Chewing Dead. Therefore, O glorious leader, I recommend this cap.
Errors I spotted: Need quote marks before "And bring the acid." Need a comma rather than full stop here: his brain. I suspect
|
|
|
Post by bulldust on Mar 28, 2022 14:38:19 GMT
Moo, moo, moo, and more moo!
It’s Mooday and this doesn’t completely thrill the Bulldog. Yeah, some folks have it worse than the Bullmeister, shift-jobs with shitty pay, but the distaste for Mooday seems fucking universal. It permeates the entire goddamned cosmos with the sense of dread that having to get up at the crack of dawn to deal with that asshole boss brings.
The Bulldude wonders in the MC in this recent cap appreciated his Mooday-free lifestyle of if Sundays became his Moodays.
As the fishy one states, this is a classic horror. It didn’t necessarily scare the bejesus out of the Bull, but it did have a kick-ass creepy factor. In fact, the Bull found himself on the edge of his seat wondering what gross-ass way this was going to turn out. Fortunately for the Bullman, it was nausea inducing.
The Bull will agree with Fishy on this one. It is deserving of a gander by the Monkey. It’s not perfect but interesting enough to make the big guy work for a living.
|
|
|
Post by rorschalk on Mar 31, 2022 16:45:28 GMT
Since I am a businessman of constant sorrow, this ought to be right up my alley. I'm putting the DO NOT DISTURB sign up in the jungle room, so please give me some time.
|
|