Post by rorschalk on Feb 2, 2023 15:37:52 GMT
Dear Mr. VC,
FS had it all but the backstory seems to be why it didn't quite make it off the floor. Here's guevara's take and I look fwd to doing business with you in the future. Mui est bueno!
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Post by guevara on 17 hours ago
“Fox Shit" (título muy llamativo) de Adam Breckenridge, es una historia que tiene una buena premisa y una trama continua que capta el interés del lector de inmediato –oops, sorry! I sometimes forget that most of the people who read blog this don't know Spanish. Let's try this again.
“Fox Shit” (very catching title) by Adam Breckenridge, is a story that has a good premise and a plot that captures the reader’s interest right away. That is the story’s strength, but it has what a call a “story-wrecking” element that makes the tale fall short—an element that I think could easily be dealt with, and I hope it is.
The story takes place somewhere in the future and perhaps on another planet. The people of Absessia have shot down an aircraft carrying the president of Havastan, killing him. The story notes the hostility between the two nations. Havastan is obviously a powerful and aggressive land and bullies the nation of Absessia. The narrator of the story thinks this would be a good time to confront Absessia’s bullying enemies, but the rulers of his land are afraid of their enemies and “practically begged for forgiveness on bended knee.” The rulers of Haverstam set conditions: the assassins must be captured and handed over to them; and the president’s remains returned to his homeland. This might be easy to do, but they insiste that every bit of him be returned. His body is found, but it has lain out in the forest for some time and has been partially eaten by an animal. A crew sent to find the body notices that a fox’s den lies not far from the place the body was found.
Next comes the process of retrieval, which could only be accomplished by recovering feces from the fox that chewed on the corpse (hence the title). Only one fox lives in the lair, so this particular animal is identified as the culprit who chewed on the President of Absessia.
The reader wonders if the man will kill the fox and is relieved to find that he does not plan to do this. He watches him, waiting for him, and all the while he ponders the unacceptable political situation his nation has come into. He would like to see a war between Havestan and Absessia. Maybe, he thinks, if there were a war, his nation would be liberated from the tyranny of its neighbor.
Soon the fox warms up to him. It eats from the narrator’s hand, showing the reader that a bond of affection has developed between them. In other words, it becomes his pet. When the fox finally has to go, the man delights in delivering its excrement to the envoys of Haverstan and saying, “Here’s your President.”
But the representatives of Havastan demand to have to the fox as well. The animal may have some of the President’s body still inside, they say. Knowing the creature will be dissected if he hands it over, the narrator will not give the fox up to them. He throws fox shit in the face of the envoy. This, the narrator tells us, brings about a five-year war between the two countries.
The tale has a good plot line. I loved it. But there’s something lacking, and that is backstory. Is this a science fiction story and Havastan and Absessia two planets or two nations on planet? What is the level of technology? What were the two cultures like? What made Absessia so willing to submit to the bullying of Havastan? The reader doesn’t know all of this, but backstory of the variety I am focused on is vital to a story of this sort. Without it, the reader is left unsatisfied. Creating such sci-fi stories demands information about the cultures involved, their technological capabilities, etc. Leaving this out makes the story unsatisfactory and disappointing.
Maybe it can be rewritten and the missing information on culture supplied. Otherwise, the reader feels something is missing from the tale—and something is.
FS had it all but the backstory seems to be why it didn't quite make it off the floor. Here's guevara's take and I look fwd to doing business with you in the future. Mui est bueno!
***
guevara
Post to everything
*****
guevara Avatar
Posts: 23
17 hours ago QuoteEditlikePost Options
Post by guevara on 17 hours ago
“Fox Shit" (título muy llamativo) de Adam Breckenridge, es una historia que tiene una buena premisa y una trama continua que capta el interés del lector de inmediato –oops, sorry! I sometimes forget that most of the people who read blog this don't know Spanish. Let's try this again.
“Fox Shit” (very catching title) by Adam Breckenridge, is a story that has a good premise and a plot that captures the reader’s interest right away. That is the story’s strength, but it has what a call a “story-wrecking” element that makes the tale fall short—an element that I think could easily be dealt with, and I hope it is.
The story takes place somewhere in the future and perhaps on another planet. The people of Absessia have shot down an aircraft carrying the president of Havastan, killing him. The story notes the hostility between the two nations. Havastan is obviously a powerful and aggressive land and bullies the nation of Absessia. The narrator of the story thinks this would be a good time to confront Absessia’s bullying enemies, but the rulers of his land are afraid of their enemies and “practically begged for forgiveness on bended knee.” The rulers of Haverstam set conditions: the assassins must be captured and handed over to them; and the president’s remains returned to his homeland. This might be easy to do, but they insiste that every bit of him be returned. His body is found, but it has lain out in the forest for some time and has been partially eaten by an animal. A crew sent to find the body notices that a fox’s den lies not far from the place the body was found.
Next comes the process of retrieval, which could only be accomplished by recovering feces from the fox that chewed on the corpse (hence the title). Only one fox lives in the lair, so this particular animal is identified as the culprit who chewed on the President of Absessia.
The reader wonders if the man will kill the fox and is relieved to find that he does not plan to do this. He watches him, waiting for him, and all the while he ponders the unacceptable political situation his nation has come into. He would like to see a war between Havestan and Absessia. Maybe, he thinks, if there were a war, his nation would be liberated from the tyranny of its neighbor.
Soon the fox warms up to him. It eats from the narrator’s hand, showing the reader that a bond of affection has developed between them. In other words, it becomes his pet. When the fox finally has to go, the man delights in delivering its excrement to the envoys of Haverstan and saying, “Here’s your President.”
But the representatives of Havastan demand to have to the fox as well. The animal may have some of the President’s body still inside, they say. Knowing the creature will be dissected if he hands it over, the narrator will not give the fox up to them. He throws fox shit in the face of the envoy. This, the narrator tells us, brings about a five-year war between the two countries.
The tale has a good plot line. I loved it. But there’s something lacking, and that is backstory. Is this a science fiction story and Havastan and Absessia two planets or two nations on planet? What is the level of technology? What were the two cultures like? What made Absessia so willing to submit to the bullying of Havastan? The reader doesn’t know all of this, but backstory of the variety I am focused on is vital to a story of this sort. Without it, the reader is left unsatisfied. Creating such sci-fi stories demands information about the cultures involved, their technological capabilities, etc. Leaving this out makes the story unsatisfactory and disappointing.
Maybe it can be rewritten and the missing information on culture supplied. Otherwise, the reader feels something is missing from the tale—and something is.