Post by sturgeon on Mar 28, 2022 12:54:29 GMT
What we have here, dear investors, is an effective if unsophisticated horror cap. Which is, for the most part, just how I like 'em.
The central conceit of the "Chewing Dead" was suitably horrific, and the tension building up to the big reveal mostly worked. If this had been my creation, I'd have doubled down on the gore, for sure - having got your investors where you want them, why not keep them squirming on the hook a while? But the marginally more philosophical approach of this cap was interesting in its own way.
A couple of things bothered me though. One, the unnecessary number of times the main character voiced his doubt about the situation - an example of where the maxim "show, don't tell" would have been helpful to avoid repetition. And, two, the apparent disconnect between the theme called out at the beginning of the cap (the questionable integrity of making a living by piggybacking on the grief of others) and the thrust of the plot, which seems to make no comment on the protagonist's moral position.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed the characterisations, I commend the build-up of tension, and I do believe my brain will haunt me with the image of the Chewing Dead. Therefore, O glorious leader, I recommend this cap.
Errors I spotted:
Need quote marks before "And bring the acid."
Need a comma rather than full stop here: his brain. I suspect
The central conceit of the "Chewing Dead" was suitably horrific, and the tension building up to the big reveal mostly worked. If this had been my creation, I'd have doubled down on the gore, for sure - having got your investors where you want them, why not keep them squirming on the hook a while? But the marginally more philosophical approach of this cap was interesting in its own way.
A couple of things bothered me though. One, the unnecessary number of times the main character voiced his doubt about the situation - an example of where the maxim "show, don't tell" would have been helpful to avoid repetition. And, two, the apparent disconnect between the theme called out at the beginning of the cap (the questionable integrity of making a living by piggybacking on the grief of others) and the thrust of the plot, which seems to make no comment on the protagonist's moral position.
Nevertheless, I enjoyed the characterisations, I commend the build-up of tension, and I do believe my brain will haunt me with the image of the Chewing Dead. Therefore, O glorious leader, I recommend this cap.
Errors I spotted:
Need quote marks before "And bring the acid."
Need a comma rather than full stop here: his brain. I suspect
