It's probably true what Carol said about we Terminali bastards sometimes being total downers. Kind of our MO or brand or 'tude, or whatever. Definitely this is no place for the thin of skin. Also bear in mind it's ALL totally subjective. No one knows better than you the worth of your cap. No one.
So, if you want to know Rocky's verdict without having to muddle through all his literary posturing and gate-keeping pretenses, it's "Almost, but not quite. A worthy read, but no."
So, you get to keep it for yourself. In other words, there is still hope for it.
You're welcome, Rocks.
You still here? Anyone in here? [That's what Rocks yells into the women's change room at the squash club before he enters to turn on their sauna so it will be hot when he returns w/ Ms. Rocks. Club's pretty dead. There's almost never anyone in there.] Okay, good. In he ambles.
First, Rocks wishes VCs wouldn't say what their submissions are about in their covers. (Does Picasso include a note with his paintings saying, "This is a woman who has been run over by a steamroller"?) Rocks doesn't care at this point. Plus, in this case, he thinks he could've figured it out even better on his own.
Second, it begins with quoted dialog. To wit, “You have to do something about the newspapers,” she said. For some reason, this always strikes Rocks as a lazy way in. Plus, begs the question here, Who is "she"? And not as a hook, but as a distraction. Also, excessive avoidance of 1st person personal pronouns made for a lot of fragments. Fragments are fine, but need to be interspersed with run-ons, at least to Rocks' cauliflower ear. Else, no subject, over and over, makes for a choppy read. Gives it a Sgt. Friday voice.
The MC is a character with mildly paranoid tendencies. He's also a hoarder of newspapers in which he looks for clues regarding something called Maximum Background Normalcy. He appears to be planning some sort of gun massacre. He divorces his wife, who, for reasons unclear to Rocks, actually cares, as in isn't happy about it, but rather is upset, so upset as to involve his estranged father, an erstwhile alcoholic cum born again Christian, who makes an appearance in which nothing is resolved for anyone. And that's about the extent of the plot. No massacre even. Still, it is fairly prognostic and foreboding and dark and creepy. If Rocks liked either the MC, the wife, or even the father, more, he'd probably give this one a yes. But, as written, it's just a little too self-centered for his liking, and too obscure for his attention span. So, even though he's convinced the author is, and should be, proud of this work, no.
The Bull, being of soundish mind and a crap attitude went through this cap with hopes of something bitchin.
The bull was mildly disappointed.
This cap was well written and all, but it was all development and not follow-through. The part Rocks didn’t care for, about starting with dialogue does not bother the Bullmeister so much, but the complete lack of any action does.
Okay, okay, okay. This is what irked the bull the most: it felt like the entire cap was a setup for an event that never happened. I mean the mental illness smacks you in the face from the beginning, but it doesn’t evolve. There is no discovery or growth. It just is in the beginning as it is in the end.
Yeah, that’s right! I was expecting bloodshed. There, I said it. I was waiting for a dead wife or coffee shop fatalities. What did I get? A visit from Dad, a recovering alcoholic, and nothing. The wife leaves and that’s it. I get this was a psychological cap, and maybe the lack of closure is the point. But all that happens is that this guy feels mildly inconvenienced by his family and returns to his paranoia.
Alright, I guess.
But why? Why all the setup for essentially a huge fucking letdown? It felt like being cut off midstroke by your ISP when you’re tugging it to Pornhub.
No sir, I am not satisfied. I agree with Rocks. This was well written, but lacking what the Monkey loves. Which, by the way, can be Science fiction, Carol. So, no.