Post by rockefeller on May 23, 2020 20:15:01 GMT
God, I remember this place. Seems kinda empty. Don't remember that fish tank or that whatever-it-is floating upside down in it. I see my little lift top desk is still here, though, and still being used as Dep's cat's (What's his name? Rimbauld or something) litter box. Wonder where she went. Beautiful spirit-creature, one lyrical Francophine. I miss her. Thinking she might've liked this gnome thing (or maybe I just remember her as more of a romantic than she really was) whereas I, personally, found it a little schmaltzy or something. Not YA, but leaning that way. The sort of fantasies I nurtured back in grade school to stave off boredom. Too slow, though. And too predictable. Like the second those two bad guys made to rob the mushroom stand, even before we learn she's ex special forces, I knew they were in for a non-lethal ass-whupping from this chick. I also knew she'd hook up with the MC in some magically wholesome happily-ever-after the moment they met.
Technically, it's fine, and it was refreshing to read prose so clean and flowing. Only saw a couple typos:
outside a a great deal
...and had her sit in the chair one he where he rested between sales).
grammatical gobbledygook and a missing opening parenthesis
Definitely not show stoppers. And nothing wrong with a little escapism. But between a slight over abundance of exposition and narrative self-gratification (or just plain pandering) and an admitted genre bias, I'm gonna porthole it. Not rip or chew it up or set it alight or piss on it or anything, but just gently and respectfully feed it back into the deluge, that someone else might love it.