Post by johnVC on Feb 6, 2019 23:46:06 GMT
Dear Mr. Rorschalk, (and Terminali)
thanks to the Architext. This is one of the most thorough critiques I've ever received and it should prove quite helpful.
I'd like to comment on one aspect of the venture. According to the critique, the ending is a mess and makes little or no sense, leaving important questions unanswered. Obviously, I wasn't successful. However, after I finished writing it, I considered the ending to evolve logically from what goes before.
As I see it, there is a cosmic force or power, perhaps intelligence, which seeks to protect inhabitants from threats not only in this village but throughout the universe. The threats are two: a flimflam man and an asteroid. From the beginning, this cosmic power (maybe it's God, or something else) seeks the one person who can save this village. The Elixir itself is part of this plan, and only the transformed lamebrain passes the test. Ultimately he kills the con man (whose name I will change) and correctly interprets the hopscotch game's meaning. Unfortunately, he's a bit slow in solving the warning about the asteroid, and as a result, the entire village is destroyed, with the exception of him.
Fast forward to the ending: Our Hero awakens as an angelic creature in a new world or realm, and he must quickly figure out what it all means. A new con man or seller of snake oil is coming. He or she or it is also different. Indeed, humans might not even be able to comprehend what they look like. But as in the village, the invader does constitute a threat, and the former moron realizes that only he can save his new people. What's more, he realizes that he will face challenges like this on worlds without number, where he will be transformed again and again and again. It will be an endless series of reassignments. Is he shocked and horrified? Does he throw a temper tantrum and say "Hell, no!" NO. Our protagonist feels blessed, and what follows is perhaps the key sentence in the entire work: "And I have been given another chance to save them."
Who or what gives him this chance? What does it all fucking mean? I didn't want to spell it out too clearly because I wanted some ambiguity and for the reader to use his own imagination. To me, some higher force or power sets the ball rolling in order to save beings on many worlds. Maybe this being is altruistic or maybe it's just a game for a bored god, much as children have played wars with toy soldiers for centuries. Who knows?
Well, I may change my mind completely when I go over this again (with an eye toward the Terminal). Once more, many thanks.
johnVC
thanks to the Architext. This is one of the most thorough critiques I've ever received and it should prove quite helpful.
I'd like to comment on one aspect of the venture. According to the critique, the ending is a mess and makes little or no sense, leaving important questions unanswered. Obviously, I wasn't successful. However, after I finished writing it, I considered the ending to evolve logically from what goes before.
As I see it, there is a cosmic force or power, perhaps intelligence, which seeks to protect inhabitants from threats not only in this village but throughout the universe. The threats are two: a flimflam man and an asteroid. From the beginning, this cosmic power (maybe it's God, or something else) seeks the one person who can save this village. The Elixir itself is part of this plan, and only the transformed lamebrain passes the test. Ultimately he kills the con man (whose name I will change) and correctly interprets the hopscotch game's meaning. Unfortunately, he's a bit slow in solving the warning about the asteroid, and as a result, the entire village is destroyed, with the exception of him.
Fast forward to the ending: Our Hero awakens as an angelic creature in a new world or realm, and he must quickly figure out what it all means. A new con man or seller of snake oil is coming. He or she or it is also different. Indeed, humans might not even be able to comprehend what they look like. But as in the village, the invader does constitute a threat, and the former moron realizes that only he can save his new people. What's more, he realizes that he will face challenges like this on worlds without number, where he will be transformed again and again and again. It will be an endless series of reassignments. Is he shocked and horrified? Does he throw a temper tantrum and say "Hell, no!" NO. Our protagonist feels blessed, and what follows is perhaps the key sentence in the entire work: "And I have been given another chance to save them."
Who or what gives him this chance? What does it all fucking mean? I didn't want to spell it out too clearly because I wanted some ambiguity and for the reader to use his own imagination. To me, some higher force or power sets the ball rolling in order to save beings on many worlds. Maybe this being is altruistic or maybe it's just a game for a bored god, much as children have played wars with toy soldiers for centuries. Who knows?
Well, I may change my mind completely when I go over this again (with an eye toward the Terminal). Once more, many thanks.
johnVC