Post by rockefeller on Mar 29, 2019 14:05:08 GMT
The document's title (A Coloured Pencil) is different than as submitted (Coloured Pencils). Hence the ambiguous heading here.
Rocks loves experimental pieces: two-page run-ons, grammar bent and twisted in the interest of voice. But Rocks does not love impenetrable prose that forces him to reread, in this case almost every sentence, in order to suss out just WTF the VC is trying to say. Minor spag-type errors are okay where the writing is otherwise fluid and engaging. These can be fixed. The Monkey likes to keep busy. But where the text is not only mispunctuated and riddled with extra, missing and wrong words, but presents with great and clunky turgidity the repetition of a single idea, not so much. See for yourself.
1st paragraph, 1st sentence:
I loved Liz, and [sic sometimes?] sometime things I still do but not when she is drawing, and the pencils are screaming in pain.
3rd sentence:
As much as I wanted to leave and [sic flee?] flesh from the horror I found myself sharing with a woman who never aged in a forest which always whispered with ghosts at night, I couldn’t.
2nd paragraph, 1st sentence:
[sic Liz?] Liz’s poured her collection on a bench and I found I couldn’t look at all the pencils at once.
2nd sentence:
I’d help select and find those colours, the rainbow of others’ lives now lost [sic in?] madness and fury.
and... Rocks is outa here. No way's he slogging through another 7K of this. Sorry. Oh yeah, no.
Note to Floor (w/ nod to Hemingway): Read drunk; edit sober.
Note to VC: Rocks's remarks here were unaffected by nicety, and might have been hurtful. And now, despite his having a stone for a heart, he feels a little bad. He suspects you might suffer from dysgraphia. Rocks has a similarly afflicted writing forum friend, whose prose is similarly unreadable. Rocks himself is mildly dyslexic, and so his own CW almost always benefits from others' eyes.
Rocks loves experimental pieces: two-page run-ons, grammar bent and twisted in the interest of voice. But Rocks does not love impenetrable prose that forces him to reread, in this case almost every sentence, in order to suss out just WTF the VC is trying to say. Minor spag-type errors are okay where the writing is otherwise fluid and engaging. These can be fixed. The Monkey likes to keep busy. But where the text is not only mispunctuated and riddled with extra, missing and wrong words, but presents with great and clunky turgidity the repetition of a single idea, not so much. See for yourself.
1st paragraph, 1st sentence:
I loved Liz, and [sic sometimes?] sometime things I still do but not when she is drawing, and the pencils are screaming in pain.
3rd sentence:
As much as I wanted to leave and [sic flee?] flesh from the horror I found myself sharing with a woman who never aged in a forest which always whispered with ghosts at night, I couldn’t.
2nd paragraph, 1st sentence:
[sic Liz?] Liz’s poured her collection on a bench and I found I couldn’t look at all the pencils at once.
2nd sentence:
I’d help select and find those colours, the rainbow of others’ lives now lost [sic in?] madness and fury.
and... Rocks is outa here. No way's he slogging through another 7K of this. Sorry. Oh yeah, no.
Note to Floor (w/ nod to Hemingway): Read drunk; edit sober.
Note to VC: Rocks's remarks here were unaffected by nicety, and might have been hurtful. And now, despite his having a stone for a heart, he feels a little bad. He suspects you might suffer from dysgraphia. Rocks has a similarly afflicted writing forum friend, whose prose is similarly unreadable. Rocks himself is mildly dyslexic, and so his own CW almost always benefits from others' eyes.