The Bullmeister just returned from his ceremonial meal celebrating the sacrifice of a flightless foul which bravely and unselfishly gave his life so many herds of cattle may live just one more day. Each year this time of the season, the herd gathers to sing praises to this holy spirit and appreciate the gift of life the universe has granted us.
Calm and sated, the Bull decided to peruse this cap and enjoy some total quality reading.
He was jarred from his serenity by this filthy smack-laden crapital.
First thing is the errors Sturgeon discovered. This doucebag should have at least grammar checked this shit. Come on, this is a semi-reputable market, not a men's room stall. Sloppy-ass crap.
Secondly, bad cop stereotype much? Like that hasn’t been done fifty-million times and honestly much better. Pick something to write about that you actually get.
I’m not convinced the cap needed the graphic sexuality. It seems gratuitous. If you’re going to write soft porn, just call it for what it is. It’s cool you want to write about what gets you off, but maybe you should keep it to yourself.
I can’t help but think the VC should lay off the pipe and write sober. It might help, who knows? It can’t get any worse.
It's unusual for Rocks to find himself in near complete disagreement with his devilishly behorned colleague here, whose critical remarks he found overly harsh and unfair. No, he's not sending this one further up either, but for totally different reasons. Overall, Rocky dug it. Didn't make him splooge in his shorty-shorts or anything, but did definitely give him a quarter that wasn't all that far shy of a semi, which is something given how far past puberty he's shuffled. Might be the first cap Rocks has seen here that could actually be called erotica. Even saw "cum" in it somewhere. Refreshing.
Technically it was fine too. Only spotted a few minor nits:
The first officer punch Dan in the gut. punched
“Man, you look like some kind of junky." junkie
The commishes daughter commish's (unless multiple commishioners share one daughter, then commishes')
There were probably more Rocks missed, but not because he was skimming (as with the previous cap) but because he was into the story (which is kind of rare of late). The SF element also worked pretty well, well enough that even a touch more of that world building would not have been unwelcome. Normally dialog-heavy prose puts Rocks off. Too easy or something. But this VC makes it snap okay.
A few things, though, did make this one hard to love. Little plot holes or contradictions or WTFs or whatever broke the flow. Like at one point Dan, the down-and-out ex-detective, chugs an entire 26er of whiskey in some bar pursuant to other drinks, but a short time later feels his "intoxication start to ebb with his physical exertion." Then, not long after, that same day he enjoys multiple consecutive blowjobs, handjobs and a shot of heroin during intercourse, only to sleep it all off and wake up feeling refreshed. A bunch of years ago at a company barbecue here some dumbass bartender served some dumbass kid nine shots (i.e., 9 oz) of whiskey in a pitcher of beer, who, after chugging, got taken to the hospital by ambulance, was even dead at one point. So Dan must have one hell of a liver. Amazing he's still so fit and pretty.
Tiki, the babe who's supplying all the sex and smack, is described as having missing teeth and skin that's "scarred up and covered in track marks, yet... [she is] curvy and luscious, her body still relatively undamaged by the ravages of drug use." This confused Rocks even though it's possible it was all part of some disguise.
Seemed odd Dan'd have waited so long, given his destitution and alcoholism, to try to grab easy bags of cash from an ex partner's stash in a bus locker?
Biggest stumbling block though was that none of the characters, especially Dan, were at all sympathetic. Dan's just a weak, sad-sack loser pushed around by forces over which he exerts no control to the sort of dissatisfying end that feels more like the author throwing in the towel than the result of planning or premeditation. Tiki was kind of cool though. Rocks would like to meet Tiki. Still, no.