SECOND PLACE Jul 22, 2019 19:05:45 GMT
Post by rockefeller on Jul 22, 2019 19:05:45 GMT
Of all the many substances Rocks has abused, amphetamines were the least fun. Hard for him to imagine someone gobbling them down by the bowlful and staying productive, or even functional... at least for more than a month or two.
Still, an unusually entertaining cap with just enough researched specifics for Rocks (who's going to grous a bit and then send it up) to suspend disbelief and buy into.
"...a suit so sharp it could cut a diamond."
Rocks did not like this hyperbole. Too easy, and yet vaguely inaccurate. First thing that springs to Rocks' limited mental facilities is, "...so sharp it made my eyes bleed." Or maybe just an apt simile like, "...sharp as a boar's incisors" or similar.
But the prose is tight, and the UK lilt, especially given it's 1st person, didn't detract. Rocks never was, however, able to figure what it was about.
“You haven’t met Sadie Carmine.”
The above appears at the end of the first section, page 3, and, given this is a short story, seems rather far along to introduce the main character. Not that the preceding wasn't tight and engaging narrative, but just that it offered no inkling of what to expect, leaving Rocks to wonder if the VC had, neither, had any inkling of what was to follow by this juncture. Able crafters, such as this author most definitely is, can do this sort of thing. Fly by the seat of their pants. Just start writing, see where it goes, then retrofit where it went. If that makes any sense. [Rocks gulps a few chocolate covered almonds from a big bag on his desk. Yes, he decides, it makes perfect sense.]
This is going to sound anal (probably because it is) but it annoyed Rocks not to know who played white in their little MC-gets-to-fuck-her-if-he-wins chess game. Aphazero vs. Stockfish's 100 game match proved white has a marked advantage. At this point, Rocks still thought Sadie might be an android or AI-augmented or something, and not just because of all the SF we get here.
"After a couple of exchanges she was down on material."
"The exchange" in chess is a minor piece (knight or bishop) for a rook. Otherwise, if she lost material, then they weren't trades. Another nerdy quibble, but, up a knight early on, seems he should've been able to queen a pawn... but whatever. Really, all Rocks' whining and nitpicking here just goes to show is that he was into the read and wouldn't have minded a tad more detail.
The only other grammatical thing that gave Rocks pause came when the narrator referred to Sadie as "this jailbait girl" when there'd been no prior suggestion that she was underage. Or does "jailbait" mean something different (like "fit" does) in UK speak?
A little poetic justice re the antagonist Murgatroyd would not have been unwelcome. Also, the ending maybe rang a little preachy, even cliche. Yet it definitely sticks to a motif. Really, in conjunction with the title, kind of clobbers it over the head. So, okay, maybe it works. Even if, given his epiphany, there still isn't a chance in hell they live happily ever after.
But, still and overall, it was too engaging a read to say no to. So Rocks says yes. Really, for all his captious remarks, a rather unreserved yes at that.